Diddy’s legal squad strutted into court waving a big ol’ flag screaming “MISTRIAL!” because apparently, someone claimed Puff Daddy himself auditioned for America’s Next Top Balcony Daredevil back in 2016. Yeah, you heard that right.
The star witness? Bryana Bongolan — aka ex-girlfriend Cassie’s mystery sidekick — who dropped a bombshell claiming Diddy dangled her over the edge of a 17th-story Los Angeles balcony. Talk about taking “hang out” to a whole new level.
But hold onto your luxury yachts, because Diddy’s defense team was like, “Nah, fam. That’s fake news!” They swore up and down that Bryana and Cassie cooked up this balcony stunt, accusing them of “perjury” — which sounds like the legal version of “You lied, and it’s not cute.”
Their solid alibi? Diddy was chilling on the East Coast, living his best Trump Hotel New York life, miles away from any precarious ledges. So, apparently, the only thing he was dangling was his metaphorical drip.
Enter Judge Arun Subramanian — the courtroom’s own reality check. He basically said, “Nice try, defense team, but this isn’t a mistrial.” The judge pointed out that Diddy’s crew didn’t even raise a hand when Bryana told her story, and they had every chance to throw some hard-hitting questions her way. Spoiler: They did, and Nicole Westmoreland, Diddy’s ace lawyer, pulled a full-on Perry Mason moment — you know, that dramatic mic-drop courtroom magic we live for.
Oh, and the judge did throw a tiny side-eye at the government for messing up somewhere, but apparently, that’s not enough to hit the reset button on this whole trial.
And in case you’re wondering, Cassie did talk about that scary balcony moment in her 2023 lawsuit and her testimony, but she kept Bryana’s name on the hush-hush until now. Classic courtroom suspense.
No mistrial, no balcony acrobatics (at least, not in court), and definitely no chill for this ongoing saga. Stay tuned, because when luxury, lawsuits, and drama mix, it’s always better than Netflix.
