The Prince of Darkness, the one and only Ozzy Osbourne, has once again graced us with his thoughts on the eternal struggle between rocking out and, well, existing. The 74-year-old “Crazy Train” maestro spilled the beans about his health, and let me tell you, it’s a rollercoaster of surgeries and joint-related conversations.
In an interview with Rolling Stone UK, our dear Ozzy shared his candid dialogue with wife Sharon when she caught him puffing on the magical herb. He retorted with, “How long do you want me to f–king live for?! At best, I’ve got 10 years left, and when you’re older, time picks up speed.” Now, that’s what we call a life pro tip—smoke a joint, slow down time. Take notes, physicists!
Despite his encounters with Parkinson’s, bike crashes, and more surgeries than a robot repair shop, Ozzy ain’t scared of the Grim Reaper. No sir, he just wants to dodge “a long, painful, and miserable existence.” Preach, Ozzy! And get this, he’s eyeing Switzerland for a potential fast pass to the afterlife. Move over chocolate and watches, Switzerland is now famous for express checkouts of the mortal coil.
Recounting his recent surgical escapades, Ozzy painted a vivid picture. Apparently, the last procedure “really knocked [him] about.” The second one? Oh, it “went drastically wrong and virtually left [him] crippled.” I mean, we’ve all been there, right? Just your average Tuesday afternoon spine rod insertion and tumor extraction.
In a moment of reflection, the “Paranoid” maestro wondered aloud, “Why am I the last man standing?” He’s genuinely puzzled. Sometimes, he stares at himself in the mirror and asks, “Why the f–k did you make it?!” We’re all wondering the same, Ozzy. Perhaps it’s the magical properties of bat-biting and legendary rock anthems that keep him going.
In any case, Ozzy Osbourne is proving that not even surgeries, Parkinson’s, or the passage of time can keep a good rocker down. So here’s to Ozzy, immortal rockstar, the sage of joints and surgeries, and the man who laughs in the face of mortality. May the bat-biting continue, and the music never stop!
