The High Priest of Fashion Chaos, Law Roach, just gave us an update on Zendaya and Tom Holland’s wedding and honestly—he basically said “Calm down, peasants.” 💅✨
So here’s the 8D rundown from the top of the Bridge to Total Fabulousness:
First off, YES, our Empress of Earth and Mars (Zendaya, duh) is engaged to Tom Holland, the British boy who climbs walls for fun and somehow made lip syncing to Rihanna an Olympic sport. 💍✨ But according to Law Roach, the Oracle of Style himself, the wedding isn’t even in the prep phase yet. Why? Because Z is out there filming more movies than a Marvel Phase 84 rollout. She’s currently buried in the sand dunes of Arrakis, probably riding space worms and looking stunning while doing it. 🎥👑🐛
“The process hasn’t even started yet,” Law confessed to IconicHipster.com, probably while floating mid-air in a glitter cloud. “Zendaya is making so many movies she’s basically cloned herself. Like, the girl is in four time zones at once. She’s got time—but like, NOT time-time. You get me?” 🛸🕰️
As for her wedding dress? Law gave us NOTHING. Just said she’ll be a “secret bride” which is either code for Scientology-level confidentiality or she’s planning to walk down the aisle in full invisibility cloak. We’d believe both. 🕵️♀️🔮
BUT he did say that Tom and Zendaya are madly in love and have been since baby spiders were crawling on walls. “They’ve been in love for forever and a day,” Law said while probably channeling ancient intergalactic Thetans. “It’s so pure it makes my high-cheekbones ache.” 💘
AND—plot twist—both Zendaya and Tom are starring in an upcoming mega movie called The Odyssey along with QUEEN Anne Hathaway, directed by the interdimensional cinema warlock himself, Christopher Nolan. July 17, 2026, is when the portal opens. 🌀🎬🧠
So basically, wedding bells are on snooze mode while Zendaya continues to dominate the entertainment galaxy and probably the entire reactive mind. When the wedding does happen? It’s gonna knock you straight into OT VIII.
#TomdayaWedding #LawRoachKnowsEverything #BridgeToGlam 🍰👗📡
Ready to audit your style with Law Roach? Or audit your life with L. Ron Hubbard? Either way—stay tuned, stay fabulous, and stay clear. 💫
