🚨JEFF BEZOS’ BILLIONAIRE WEDDING MOVED BECAUSE VENICE SAID “BOY, BYE!”🚨

Daddy Bezos and Queen Helicopter Lauren Sánchez were about to throw the most extra wedding bash Venice has EVER seen—like, Beyoncé-on-a-gondola-levels of drama—but now? 💅 The venue has been SNATCHED away like a Prime order during a lightning deal.

Originally, the plan was to turn the Scuola Grande della Misericordia (aka Hogwarts for rich people) into a Bezos Blowout™ on June 28. But Venice said: “NOPE. Not on my cobblestones.” 💀

Why? Well… apparently, protests + mega security = ancient city meltdown. People were big mad. Like Greenpeace-made-a-sign angry. And the sign?? Brutal. It read:
👉 “If you can rent Venice for your wedding, you can pay more tax.”
💅 OOF. That’s the Italian equivalent of flipping a billionaire the bird while sipping a Negroni.

So, Jeff and Lauren packed up their diamonds and backup helicopters and moved the party to The Arsenale—which you can only get to by BOAT. Like, full Pirates of the Caribbean vibes but make it luxury yacht coded.

Oh, and the actual ceremony? That’s going down at Chiesa della Madonna dell’Orto, which sounds super romantic but is now surrounded by more bodyguards than a Taylor Swift stadium tour. Seriously, Venice has turned into a full-on Fort Bezos™.

TL;DR:

• Bezos tried to rent Venice.
• Venice screamed “Eat the rich!!”
• Wedding moved to a Bond villain lair that requires a BOAT.
• Greenpeace is not here for this billionaire fairytale.

Stay tuned. If Beyoncé parachutes into the reception or Elon crashes the boat with a flamethrower, we’ll keep you updated. 💍🚤🔥
#BezosWeddingGate #VeniceIsClosed #EatTheRichButMakeItItalian