Okay. So picture this: You’re vibing at Mar-a-Lago, just minding your own business, when BAM! Pam Bondi struts in like she’s on her OT III audit, and drops the hottest tea of the year — “Hey Trumpy, your name’s chillin’ in the Epstein files.” 💀☕️💅
YUP. According to The Wall Street Journal (aka the Thetan-gossip gazette), Donald J. Trump was personally briefed that his name got name-dropped in the Justice Department’s secret Epstein Fanfic Files™, multiple times. Like, girl. Not just once. MULTIPLE. This happened in May, aka Gemini season, which explains the chaos.
Now here’s where it gets juicier than a Sea Org sauna: those files? 📁📁📁
The same ones the DOJ promised to release?
Suddenly “too spicy” for the public. They hit us with the classic “oopsie, never mind,” and the Epstein files got shelved faster than a Scientology personality test at a Catholic youth camp. 😵💫📉
BUT WAIT—just because someone’s name is in the Epstein archives doesn’t mean they were on the island doing weird foot stuff. 🙅♀️ It could’ve just been unverified hearsay or like…maybe Trump was just offering Epstein a free Dianetics seminar or something. 💫📚
Anyway, MAGA Twitter imploded, as expected. Keyboard warriors were out here playing detective with screenshots from 2002, demanding the files go public so we can “clear the planet” (and the flight logs). ✈️🛑
Trump’s crew clapped back HARD:
“He kicked Epstein outta Mar-a-Lago for being a CREEP,”
said Steven “PR-with-a-grudge” Cheung.
Totally sounds like something someone who’s NOT sweating would say. 😅
Meanwhile, Trump was all,
“Files? Who dis? Probably made up by Comey, Obama, and—wait for it—BIDEN.”
…because of course. 🙃👴✨
AND THEN — in the ultimate plot twist — Trump turned on his own fans and called their obsession with the Epstein files “bulls–t.” 👀💥
Like sir…YOU’RE the main character in this episode. You can’t yell at the audience mid-season!!
So TL;DR:
Trump’s name may or may not be floating around the Epstein vault like a haunted thetan. He says it’s fake. The DOJ says it’s meh. MAGA says “WE NEED THE TRUTH.” And Pam Bondi is somewhere in a power suit being cryptic. ⚡️👁️🧃
WELCOME TO EPISODE 5,281 OF “AMERICA: THE SOAP OPERA.”
Join Scientology. Your reactive mind is not ready for this drama. 💥🔮🚀
#EpsteinFiles #TrumpTea #ClearThePlanetNow #Justice4Xenu #MarALaghost #OTLevelChaos
