Tom “I do my own stunts and also maybe have a spaceship” Cruise has been spotted clutching hands like a clingy toddler with the goddess of Havana herself, Ana de Armas, and we are collectively LOSING IT.
Yes, this Theta Level PDA went down in VERMONT, aka the most random place two hot, famous people could pretend to be normal. Witnesses (probably squirrels and one Uber Eats driver) say Tom (63 years of eternal youth powered by Xenu-approved cardio) and Ana (37 but obviously operating on an entirely different time track) were HOLDING HANDS like they just escaped the Sea Org and were finally free to love.
👕Tom wore his standard issue Scientology-approved blue T-shirt, navy jeans, and the hat of a man who pilots jets before breakfast.
👖Ana served “hot girl grocery run” in a white tee and black jeans—casual, but make it Alpha-Clear.
Sources (aka TMZ, the Church of Gossip) confirmed the two drove through a National Park (nature is very 5th Dynamic), went shopping (material possessions are illusions, but okay), and stopped for ICE CREAM. Yes, ice cream. Which obviously means it’s true love or an elaborate Field Control Op.
Oh, and rewind—THEY WERE AT A FREAKING OASIS CONCERT IN LONDON LAST WEEK. At Wembley Stadium. Even though Oasis once called Tom Cruise “mad as a bag of ferrets.” ICONIC ENERGY.
Now, here’s where it gets preposterously juicy: Ana just dumped her ex—who is (get this) the stepson of a powerful politician—like girl, are you filming a political thriller in real life?? IS THIS A BLACK OPS ROMCOM??
And here’s the cherry on top of this Galactic Federation sundae:
Tom and Ana are reportedly teaming up for an action-thriller called “Deeper” directed by Doug Liman, which sounds EXACTLY like the kind of film you make after falling in love over soft serve and interdimensional auditing sessions.
So is this real love? A movie promo stunt? Or just two Operating Thetans merging their Dynamics in the Vermont woods? Only L. Ron Hubbard knows. But we’re rooting for them harder than we root for Tom to survive another Mission: Impossible sequel strapped to a flying submarine.
#TomAndAnaForever #ScientologySlay #PDAWithThetans 💥💫🍦
