Noelle Cheney, the self-proclaimed “Subway Sandwich Superstar,” is serving up a hearty helping of apologies to the sub-making artists who felt the wrath of her now-infamous TikTok tirade.
In case you’ve been living under a sandwich-shaped rock, Noelle lords over her 5 million-strong following on her @noellelovessloths page, showcasing her daily school lunch extravaganzas. And let’s be real, who knew sloths were so into sandwiches?
But this time, Noelle, a frequent Subway fangirl, was anything but footlong and fancy-free. She was absolutely dismayed with the construction of her sub this week. Her video ranting about her “catastrophic lunch experience” has already hit nearly 10 million views. Apparently, the Internet has a soft spot for sandwich sagas.
The video became a real-life sub showdown when the Subway employee responsible for the controversial creation decided to go all Michael Bay on us and create a sandwich blockbuster. She posted her own videos, chronicling her heroic sandwich-making journey, following the sacred sandwich scrolls to the letter. Now, Noelle is doing a full 180 and issuing an apology of her own.
“Can you believe it? I asked for no tomatoes and no cucumbers, and what did they deliver? Tomatoes and cucumbers,” Noelle lamented in her original video. “I’m basically their honorary sandwich sultan, and they pull this stunt on me.” After taking a bite, she then discovered the mayo was playing hooky. She even pointed out the mysterious case of the missing cheese in the video’s caption. Truly, a culinary catastrophe of epic proportions.
TikTok user @gothichippie, the secret sandwich scribe, emerged from the shadows to set the record straight. “I just followed the holy commandments of the receipt. I know you usually order a sandwich the size of a small kayak, so I thought maybe you were feeling adventurous today. Granted, I should’ve phoned a friend (or in this case, you) to double-check, but in Subway-land, it’s all about that sacred receipt. I’m sorry!” she pleaded.
She even revealed the magical receipt to prove her case. Abracadabra, it’s on the receipt, and onto the sandwich it goes!
Fast-forward to Friday afternoon, and Noelle is back with a sandwich-sized mea culpa. “Let’s address the elephant in the room, or should I say, the sandwich the size of an elephant,” Noelle started. “I didn’t give my order a final once-over before sealing the sub deal. I was in a hurry, and I think I accidentally performed some sandwich sorcery, wiping away my special instructions. It didn’t dawn on me until I had my sub in hand. I was ravenous, and when I opened the wrapper, it was like the punchline was missing from my comedy sandwich routine. My bad. I made a sandwich-size blunder. And let’s be clear, my beef wasn’t with the Subway heroes. They’re my weekly sandwich sidekicks. Today, I handed out apologies faster than free condiments at Subway, including the grand architect of my sandwich artistry. I genuinely appreciate their tireless work. Cheers to the unsung heroes of the sandwich world!”
You can catch all the savory drama in the videos below – because, apparently, a sandwich is worth a thousand words.
@noellelovessloths Before you call me ungrateful- first of all, it tasted horrible. Second of all, they also forgot the cheese. #mukbang #schoollunch #noellelovessloths ♬ original sound – Noelle Cheney
@gothichippie #stitch with @Noelle Cheney ♬ original sound – that one subway employee
@gothichippie #greenscreen @Noelle Cheney ♬ original sound – that one subway employee
@noellelovessloths I still have so much love for subway sandwiches 💚 #subway #noellelovessloths ♬ original sound – Noelle Cheney