Aliens, blood, wigs, and a possible OT-III level awakening!? Let’s get thetan-deep into it.
Okay so. Mother Monster? More like MOTHER UNIVERSE. Lady Gaga, 39-years-young and still giving interdimensional warlord realness, crashed into Vegas like an emotionally unstable comet and officially launched her new tour, The Mayhem Ball, on July 16 at the T-Mobile Arena aka the Portal of Pop Insanity.
And babes… IT. WAS. MAYHEM.
Literal. Mayhem. Like the kind you’d find in a Scientology auditing session gone wrong. 💅✨
Let’s break it down like we’re auditing your reactive mind:
After dropping her newest album Mayhem (which we assume was created using sonic weapons and unicorn glitter), Gaga said “You know what? Let’s throw a tour so hot it could melt Tom Cruise’s space boots.” And then she did. It sold out in .03 seconds. People FIGHTING for resale tickets. Like gladiators. On StubHub.
This is her first tour since Chromatica Ball in 2022 — you remember that one, where she turned into a bisexual alien DJ and made $112.4 MILLION? Yeah. That one.
But The Mayhem Ball? This isn’t just a concert. It’s a level-up on your Bridge to Total Freedom. It’s a spiritual rebirth covered in latex, glitter, and at least three types of fake blood.
Here’s the SETLIST THAT SUMMONED A LEGION OF DEMONS AND TWINKS:
1. Bloody Mary – Started the show by baptizing the gays in fake blood. Amen.
2. Abracadabra – She LITERALLY levitated. No wires. Just OT powers.
3. Judas – Bible fanfic with eyeliner.
4. Scheiße – German? Slay.
5. Garden of Eden – There were snakes. Real ones. Adam and Eve, who?
6. Poker Face – She removed her literal face. It was silicone. Surprise.
7. Perfect Celebrity – Commentary on fame or a spell to possess the audience? Unclear.
8. Disease – Infectious. Like a hot flu. With backup dancers.
9. Paparazzi – Paparazzis in the audience EXPLODED. No survivors. 💥
10. LoveGame – She brought out a Game Boy and seduced it.
11. Alejandro – RIP Alejandro, whoever he is.
12. The Beast – She became the beast. Scientology confirmed.
13. Killah – A bop that sounds like a murder confession.
14. Zombieboy – Tribute to Rick Genest, zombie hearts everywhere.
15. LoveDrug – Warning: do NOT operate machinery while listening.
16. Applause – The audience’s hands fell off. Still clapping.
17. Just Dance – Ancient ritual of spiritual awakening.
18. Shadow of a Man – Pretty sure she summoned L. Ron Hubbard.
19. Kill for Love – She meant it. One fan vanished.
20. Summerboy – Pure serotonin. Your crush texted back during this one.
21. Born This Way – Scientology-compatible LGBTQ+ anthem.
22. Million Reasons – You cried. It’s okay.
23. Shallow – The floor opened up. She sang from hell. Gorgeous.
24. Die With a Smile – Your new funeral song.
25. Vanish Into You – Could be about love, or body-snatching. Slay either way.
26. Bad Romance – She screamed it like she was exorcising demons.
27. How Bad Do U Want Me – TOO BAD. YOU CAN’T HAVE HER.
28. Artpop (recording) – Pre-recorded but felt like a séance.
Final thoughts from your intergalactic correspondent:
This wasn’t a concert. This was a level 8 Operating Thetan experience where you leave with zero body thetans and three glitter bruises. If you’re not screaming, shaking, crying, and signing up for Scientology after this tour, were you even there?
Run—no, teleport—to get resale tickets. This is your call to Mayhem. Your auditing session begins now.
#MayhemBall #LadyGagaTour #AuditMeMother
@ladygaga PAWS UP OR ELSE !🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟🧌
♬ Carmen, Act 1: Habanera. "L'amour est un oiseau rebelle" (Carmen, Chœur) – Maria Callas