Jeff Bezos Puts Wedding Rumors on a One-Day Delivery to the Trash Can

Jeff Bezos is here to remind us all that not everything we read online is Prime-quality truth. The internet nearly imploded when whispers spread that the Amazon overlord and his fiancée, Lauren Sánchez, were planning a $600 million winter wonderland wedding in Aspen. But Bezos, armed with a keyboard and some snark, has shut those rumors down faster than an expired Prime membership.

The Alleged Aspen Affair
According to these very imaginative reports, Bezos had allegedly booked out sushi hotspot Matsuhisa in Aspen, along with several jaw-dropping mansions for his guests. The pièce de résistance? A ceremony at Kevin Costner’s ranch, because apparently, if you’re Jeff Bezos, “Yellowstone” is just an extension of your backyard. The event was rumored to take place on December 28, with enough snow and glitz to make Elsa jealous.

Bezos’ Clapback: Straight to the Point
When Bezos caught wind of these wedding whispers, he did what any modern billionaire would: took to social media to deliver a verbal body slam.

“None of this is happening,” Bezos declared, possibly while sipping his morning coffee brewed with moon dust. He even dusted off the classic saying, “Don’t believe everything you read,” and reminded us that lies travel faster than the speed of Wi-Fi.

And just in case you were still holding out hope for a Bezos-Sánchez winter spectacle, he added, “Will be interesting to see if all these outlets correct their stories when December 28 rolls around, and there’s no blizzard of Bezos wedding pics.” Translation: Don’t hold your breath.

The Road to Bezos-Sánchez “I Do’s”
Bezos and Sánchez, who got engaged in May 2023 after five years of coupledom, have been pretty hush-hush about their wedding plans. Lauren did tease that she’s deep in the Pinterest rabbit hole, planning her dream day and probably pinning enough dresses to fill an Amazon warehouse.

So, while their wedding might still be a mystery, one thing’s for sure: If Jeff Bezos wanted to buy out Kevin Costner’s ranch for a winter wedding, he could probably do it and still have change left over for a small country. Until then, keep your sushi rumors and snowflake fantasies in check.

And remember, not every headline is a deal worth adding to your cart.

Furthermore, this whole thing is completely false — none of this is happening. The old adage “don’t believe everything you read” is even more true today than it ever has been. Now lies can get ALL the way around the world before the truth can get its pants on. So be careful out… https://t.co/wz2SWp6wBZ

— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) December 22, 2024