Jax Taylor, reality TV’s perennial bad boy, is having a bit of a moment — and not the kind you celebrate with an Instagram post and a sassy caption. The 45-year-old former bartender-turned-podcast-host-turned-life’s-giving-me-a-wedgie enthusiast, is reacting to the news that his estranged wife, Brittany Cartwright, has officially hit the eject button on their marriage. Apparently, the “I’m done” button was hidden under five years of reality TV drama and an avalanche of tequila shots.
So, what exactly went down? Brittany, a sprightly 35, decided to pull the plug on the Jax Train six months after they hit the relationship equivalent of a massive traffic jam. Last Friday, while bravely holding down their podcast When Reality Hits all by his lonesome, Jax went full solo-sad-man to address the big D-word. No, not “Donuts” (although, who can blame us for thinking that’s where this was going?). Divorce.
“I know Brittany talked about this on the podcast last week,” Jax, clearly mastering the art of awkward follow-ups, began. “And let me tell you, it’s been a really, really rough week. Like, stub-your-toe-every-day rough. Anyone who’s been through a divorce knows how tough it is. I mean, it’s like trying to parallel park with your eyes closed.”
Brittany’s official decision to file for divorce didn’t exactly knock Jax off his seat — he saw it coming like a speeding train of poor life choices. “She filed. Yup, it happened,” he sighed, in the tone of a man who just lost the last slice of pizza. “I get why she did it. I mean, have you seen my reality show history? And honestly, this is the right decision for the family. But let’s be clear, I’m still the world’s best dad — and, soon, the world’s best ex-husband. Watch out, Brad Pitt!”
As for their 3-year-old son Cruz? Jax has big plans to keep things civil and maybe, just maybe, become one of those cool exes. “I want us to be amicable — like, ‘let’s-get-coffee-together-and-not-make-it-weird’ kind of amicable. Maybe we’ll even be besties one day. Or, at least, I’ll be the kind of ex-husband you wouldn’t mind meeting at Target.”
But the emotional rollercoaster doesn’t stop there. In true reality star fashion, Jax gave us another plot twist: his recent 30-day vacation (okay, it was an inpatient treatment facility, but let’s call it a self-care retreat for dramatic effect). Apparently, Jax had been doing his best impression of “mental health? Never heard of her!” for years. But during his stay, he finally cracked the code: “Turns out, I’m bipolar,” Jax revealed, casually dropping the mic. “It’s been a lot, and I mean A LOT, to process. But hey, I’m on meds now, and things are looking up! One pill at a time.”
Jax Taylor: soon-to-be ex-husband, reality TV survivor, bipolar warrior, and a self-proclaimed “excellent ex.” What a ride.
