Ellen DeGeneres is back at it, spilling the tea—well, more like ginger tea for her achy joints—about her health. The legendary comedian, at the ripe young age of 66, took to the stage in her new Netflix special, For Your Approval, and dropped a bombshell of diagnoses that would make even WebMD blush.
First up, Ellen revealed she’s got “full-on osteoporosis,” which basically means her bones are auditioning for a role in The Sandman. “I don’t even know how I’m standing up right now,” she confessed. “I’m like a human sandcastle. I could disintegrate in the shower.” Honestly, it’s a miracle she hasn’t turned to dust mid-stand-up routine. “It’s hard to be honest about aging and still seem cool,” she added. Yeah, Ellen, try looking cool while googling ‘best calcium supplements’ on a Friday night.
But that’s not all! Ellen also suspects she might have OCD, or as she charmingly put it, “I thought OCD was just being really organized.” You know, like alphabetizing your spice rack while simultaneously solving a Rubik’s Cube. Turns out, OCD is a little more complicated than color-coordinating your sock drawer. “I didn’t know what OCD was,” Ellen admitted. “I grew up in Christian Science, which doesn’t really acknowledge diseases or disorders. If you stubbed your toe, it was like, ‘Just pray harder!’”
She hilariously described how her dad was a prime candidate for undiagnosed OCD. “He would check the doorknob 15 times before we could leave, then he’d check the faucet, unplug everything, just in case a rogue lightning bolt decided to start a fire in our toaster. It’s like he thought Zeus was out there, targeting our appliances.”
Then, there’s the ADD. If you think Ellen’s rapid-fire comedy is hard to keep up with, try being inside her brain. “My ADD makes it really hard to sit down and focus on anything at all,” she admitted. “Do you know how hard it was for me to put this special together? Of course you don’t. Why would I even ask that question? I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence.”
But, as Ellen cleverly pointed out, having ADD and OCD is kind of a magical combo. “I obsess over things, but I don’t have the attention span to stick with them, so I just forget what I was obsessing about in the first place. It’s like my brain is running in circles, but I end up perfectly well-adjusted!”
Despite her medical laundry list, Ellen’s not letting her aging bones or scattered brain stop her from making us laugh. She’s living proof that even if you’re falling apart at the seams, you can still have a blast with it.
Catch For Your Approval on Netflix, where Ellen will convince you that aging is really just a never-ending game of “What’s wrong with me now?” but with way more punchlines.
