Chris Evans Claps Back at Captain America Comeback Rumors: “Happily Retired, Y’all!”

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Is Chris Evans about to swoop back into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, shield in hand, ready to give Thanos’ third cousin a smackdown in Avengers: Doomsday?

Well… not so fast, true believers.

A few weeks ago, Deadline stirred the Marvel pot by whispering that while Chris Evans might not be squeezing back into his star-spangled Spanx, a Steve Rogers return somehow wasn’t entirely off the table. Enter the internet, which took this tiny breadcrumb and turned it into a full-blown, 12-tier wedding cake of speculation.

Now, Chris himself is here to shut it all down.

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Enter Anthony “Wait, What?” Mackie
Current Captain America (and professional instigator) Anthony Mackie got caught in the rumor crossfire, telling Esquire, “I didn’t know! I talked to Chris a few weeks ago and it wasn’t even a thing then. At least, he didn’t tell me it was a thing—because trust me, I asked.”

Like any good friend fishing for inside scoop, Anthony straight-up interrogated Chris, saying, “They’re bringing everyone back. Are you coming back?”

And what was Chris’ response? A firm, “Oh, you know, I’m happily retired.”

Cut to Anthony, probably blinking in confusion, as his phone dings with a Deadline headline saying, “BREAKING: Chris Evans Could Be Back.”

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“My manager showed me,” Anthony admitted. “I was like, ‘Oh. So I guess Chris is coming back? Cool, cool.’ That’s all I know.” (Translation: I have seen nothing, I know nothing, Marvel please don’t fire me.)

Chris Evans Finally Shuts It Down
Eventually, Chris himself had to put the rumors to rest. When asked about his alleged return, he sighed the sigh of a man who’s answered this question 57 times since Endgame and declared, “That’s not true, though.”

He continued, “This always happens. Every couple years. Ever since Endgame. I’ve just stopped responding to it.”

And just in case someone in the back didn’t hear him, he added, “Yeah, no—happily retired!”

Chris Evans is not coming back… at least, until Marvel drops a Brinks truck full of cash on his front lawn. But until then, Cap’s enjoying his well-earned retirement—probably somewhere petting his dog, dodging Marvel executives, and blocking the Avengers: Doomsday Google Alerts on his phone.

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Chris Evans Claps Back at Captain America Comeback Rumors: “Happily Retired, Y’all!”

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