Zach Bryan has entered the chat…and promptly exited, but not before dropping a spicy hot take that set Twitter (X? TwiX? Whatever we’re calling it these days) ablaze like a country song about a love gone wrong.
So what did the 28-year-old heartthrob of country music do? Oh, you know, just casually ranked Kanye over Taylor and the Eagles over the Chiefs. Yes, the Eagles! And no, not the band – the football team! Cue the dramatic gasp.
His original post? “eagles > chiefs. Kanye > Taylor.” Two comparisons. Both dangerous. It’s like tossing gasoline on a bonfire at a Fourth of July barbecue—fun at first, but soon you’re hiding in the shed hoping no one remembers who brought the matches.
But Zach, oh sweet summer child, didn’t stop there. He followed up with “who’s with me?” Which is internet code for “Come at me, bro!” Well, the internet did come at him—like a stampede of angry Swifties and die-hard Kansas City fans. And quicker than you can say “bad idea,” Zach deleted the tweet…and his entire account.
Classic Twitter Exit Strategy: fire off a controversial take, realize people have opinions, yeet yourself out of existence.
Naturally, he hopped on Instagram (because when one social media platform burns, there’s always another lifeboat waiting) and posted a series of Stories featuring some Kanye bops. As if he thought soundtracking the controversy with “I Thought About Killing You” was going to cool things down. Spoiler: it didn’t.
But THEN, my friends, the real magic happened. Zach, like a cowboy after too many shots of whiskey, had an epiphany. Maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t the right hill to die on. He issued an apology that was more heartfelt than a country ballad about losing your dog, truck, and girl all in the same day.
“For the record guys,” he began (you know it’s serious when someone starts with ‘for the record’), “I wasn’t coming for Taylor.” Ah, the classic “I swear I didn’t mean it” opener. He admitted to drunkenly comparing two records. Two! Is this guy secretly a DJ? Nope, just a man with access to Twitter after a few too many drinks.
He continued with a public confession that Twitter is, in fact, his nemesis. “Twitter gets me in trouble too much,” he said, and guys, I’ve never related to something more in my life. Zach also promised he wasn’t trying to disrespect Taylor, saying, “I pray you guys know I’m human and tweet stupid things often.” We know, Zach. We’ve all been there, drunk-tweeting like it’s 2011.
He capped off his apology tour with a pearl of wisdom: “Don’t drink and tweet.” Honestly, it’s about time this phrase was printed on T-shirts and sold at country concerts. Merch idea, Zach?
To drive the point home, he serenaded the internet with Taylor’s own music in his Stories. Because nothing says “I’m sorry” like jamming out to the artist you may have just accidentally roasted. He shared “Castles Crumbling” and reflected, in what can only be described as a modern-day Shakespearean tragedy, on the hardships of fame, balance, and life. Deep stuff.
In the final chapter of his apology saga, Zach announced plans to “ground” himself (but not like when your parents used to take away your Game Boy). No, he’s going to take a breather from tweeting random nonsense and finish his tour without further drama. Will he resist the urge to tweet through it? Only time will tell.
As for us, we’ll be waiting at the next stop on his tour, hoping for more drama, music, and maybe fewer social media meltdowns.
