Ah, the Met Gala—a night where celebrities wear outfits so dramatic they make soap operas look subtle, and where eating is less about sustenance and more about survival (for your dress, your breath, and your dignity).
So what’s really on the menu at fashion’s fanciest food fight? Spoiler alert: it’s not garlic bread.
This year’s theme is “Superfine: Tailoring Black Style,” which sounds like a fashion thesis and a flex rolled into one. It’s the first time since 2003 that the event is dedicated to menswear. Translation: Expect a lot of men in suits that cost more than your car, but tailored so tight they can’t sit down to eat anyway.
Vogue says the theme is about “embracing looks reflective of one’s personal style,” but let’s be honest—personal style here means wearing something that could double as a spaceship or a living room chandelier.
Now, onto the real mystery:
What are the beautiful, hungry, slightly fainting people allowed to eat at this elite couture-and-calories crossover?
Here are the five foods that are BANNED by Anna Wintour herself:
1. Garlic – Not tonight, Dracula. Anna said nope to garlic, because apparently bad breath is the real red carpet villain. Honestly, she’s doing everyone a favor. Nothing ruins a $15,000 whisper-veil like someone breathing garlic knots in your face.
2. Onions – Also banned. Why? Because they make you cry, and Anna doesn’t cry—she evaporates tears with her sheer presence. Plus, no one wants to see a sobbing Zendaya because she had a rogue onion ring.
3. Chives – Basically onions in disguise. These sneaky little green snakes have also been exiled. If a chef even whispers “chive” in the kitchen, their soufflé is cancelled.
4. Parsley – Anna’s reason? “You don’t want that stuck in your teeth.” And she’s RIGHT. Can you imagine Rihanna smiling for the cameras with a leafy green horror wedged between her incisors? Vogue would spontaneously combust.
5. Bruschetta – The audacity of bread with toppings! This crunchy tomato landmine was booted because, and I quote, “It can fall easily on your gown.” Translation: Met Gala rule #76—No tomato shrapnel on the Dior.
So, what do they serve? Probably a single deconstructed lettuce leaf massaged by a yoga-practicing goat, with a side of “don’t spill it on your Balenciaga.”
Met Gala guests might not leave with full stomachs, but they will leave with flawless smiles, unblemished couture, and maybe one sad almond in their clutch.
