In a move that has economists, penguins, and at least one confused seagull scratching their heads, former President Donald Trump has imposed tariffs on uninhabited islands—yes, places where the only trade happening is between seagulls fighting over washed-up fish.
On Wednesday (April 2), the White House announced that all countries exporting goods to the U.S. would face a 10% baseline tariff. However, some “worst offenders” (read: places Trump doesn’t like) will face even higher rates. Enter: islands with a population of zero.
Penguins Hit with Unexpected Tax Bill
Among the casualties of this bold economic strategy are Heard and McDonald Islands, which are technically Australian territory but, in reality, are just frozen wastelands occupied by confused penguins. Since there are no stores, no residents, and no active economy, it’s unclear what exactly will be taxed. Perhaps ice? Penguin feathers? The sheer audacity of nature?
More Islands Join the “Taxed for No Reason” Club
Also making the tariff list: Cocos (Keeling) Islands, Christmas Island, and Norfolk Island—all Australian territories that now owe the U.S. government money for reasons no one can fully explain. Norfolk Island, in particular, is being hit with a savage 29% tariff, possibly for the crime of existing peacefully in the middle of nowhere.
And if you thought Europe was safe—think again! Jan Mayen, a Norwegian volcanic island with a population of precisely zero, and Svalbard, which houses about 2,100 brave souls (and probably more polar bears), are also now on the official “You Owe Us” list from Washington.
What’s Next? A Tariff on the Moon?
It remains unclear how Trump plans to enforce these tariffs. Will penguins receive tax bills? Will customs agents parachute onto these deserted islands demanding tolls from passing seagulls? No one knows. But if this trend continues, don’t be surprised when the moon gets hit with a 35% import duty for sending too much moonlight to the U.S. without a permit.
Stay tuned for more updates, and if you’re a penguin, maybe start looking for a tax lawyer.
