In a plot twist no one saw coming (but honestly, should have), Donald Trump has tapped Rocky, Mad Max, and…uh…Jon Voight (Midnight Cowboy?) to save Hollywood from itself. That’s right—Sylvester Stallone, Mel Gibson, and Jon Voight are now officially Special Ambassadors of Tinseltown, a title as prestigious as it is completely made up.
Trump announced this cinematic power trio on January 16, taking to his beloved Truth Social like a director unveiling his dream cast. “It is my honor to announce Jon Voight, Mel Gibson, and Sylvester Stallone as Special Ambassadors to Hollywood,” Trump wrote, probably while staring at a gold-framed picture of himself. “Hollywood has lost much business over the last four years to foreign countries—China, Canada, maybe even France (who knows?)—and these guys are going to MAKE HOLLYWOOD GREAT AGAIN!”
Plot Synopsis: Bring Back the Blockbusters!
According to Trump’s statement, Stallone, Gibson, and Voight will act as his “eyes and ears” in Hollywood. (Because who better to navigate an industry full of TikTok stars and superhero franchises than three dudes with a combined age of 233?) Their mission: to revive the “Golden Age of Hollywood” and maybe score Trump a walk-on role in Fast & Furious 26.
Jon Voight, who once compared Trump to Abraham Lincoln (yes, that Lincoln), is apparently the intellectual anchor of this group. Meanwhile, Stallone called Trump the “second George Washington,” which seems like a stretch unless Washington also had a gold-plated toilet. And let’s not forget Mel Gibson, who’s vowed to “vote for Trump” and probably also “yell at anyone who disagrees.”
The Sequel We Deserve?
The big question is: What exactly do Hollywood Special Ambassadors do? Will Stallone punch his way through bad box office stats? Is Gibson rewriting scripts to add explosions and Jesus allegories? And does Jon Voight just stand around quoting the Constitution?
This “Golden Age” reboot feels like a blockbuster in the making, complete with over-the-top speeches, larger-than-life characters, and a plot so wild you can’t believe someone greenlit it. Hollywood, buckle up. It’s about to get…interesting.
