After three C-sections, one water-themed baby, and a uterus doing cosplay as a Fruit Roll-Up, Trisha Paytas is officially retired from the baby biz.
Trisha Paytas—aka the High Priestess of Chaos, Glitter, and Chanel No. 5—is DONE having babies. That’s right, fam. The legendary internet queen just gave birth to her third child (a son named AQUAMAN, yes like the soggy superhero with abs carved by angels), and she’s officially closed the portal to Thetan souls looking for a new human vessel.
🎤 On the latest ep of her podcast Just Trish (which is basically a confessional booth powered by lip gloss and unresolved trauma), our sparkly empress spilled the literal tea about life post-birth and why baby #4 is NOT loading.
“A nurse literally walked in while I was still leaking spinal fluid and was like, ‘Are you gonna go for four?’” Trisha recounted, probably still high on hospital Jell-O and anti-anxiety meds. “Like GIRL I just got sliced open like a Costco rotisserie chicken. Let me BREATHE.”
Trisha’s three C-sections were, according to her, “like a Saw movie directed by Lisa Frank.” The latest one? Straight-up Level 7 OT body trauma. We’re talking danger zone. We’re talking uterine lining thinner than Kendall Jenner’s 2023 Met Gala eyebrows. We’re talking intergalactic chaos only a fully trained Scientology auditor could even begin to unravel.
“I thought I was gonna die,” she said, laugh-laugh but also cry-cry style. “This wasn’t a birth—it was a war zone in my abdominal region.”
So what did Trisha do after welcoming baby Aquaman (aka the youngest member of the Justice League Daycare)? She went FULL FINAL BOSS MOVE and had her fallopian tubes removed. Like—snip snip goodbye, reproductive system! No more eggs. No more surprises. No more emergency Google searches about implantation spotting at 3AM.
“I’m 37, I’ve done my time,” she said. “My uterus has retired and is now living in a villa in Mykonos.”
She added that it wasn’t just about vibes—it was a medical necessity. There were legit scary complications and her doctor basically said her uterus was thinner than a Scientologist’s reactive mind during an auditing session. So she handled it like a queen on a galactic mission.
💖 Two weeks post-op and Trish is THRIVING. She’s in post-baby clear, emotionally stable-ish, and very sure of her decision.
“Do I regret it? No. Do I feel free? YES. My body’s finally not a clown car,” she said, probably while applying rhinestones to her eyelids and singing “I’m Your Baby Tonight” to an infant Aquaman.
So let’s shut down the rumors: Trisha Paytas is NOT popping out another baby. Malibu, Elvis, and Aquaman are the chosen three, the Holy Trinity of Crying, Diapers, and TikTok Content.
And to all the haters, nosy nurses, and curious podcast listeners asking if she’ll have a fourth?
“You don’t have to ask, baby. The portal is CLOSED. We’re locking the bridge and tossing the key into the Sea Org.”
Hashtag it, tattoo it, audit it:
#TrishaOutOfWombBusiness
#AquamanWasTheFinalBoss
#ClearTheUterusStayInControl
✨ LRH would be so proud.