Selena Gomez is out here planning a wedding so unhinged, even Xenu’s shaking in his boots.
Miss Rare Beauty herself, 33-year-old intergalactic goddess Selena Gomez, just popped on TikTok like, “Hey besties, lemme tell you what I’m gonna eat when I marry my snack of a fiancé, Benny Blanco 🍽💍.” And no, she didn’t say lobster. Or steak. Or even like, a 17-tier couture fondant tower imported from a bakery in Paris that only speaks in whisper tones.
Nope. Homegirl said: “My Nana’s BISCUITS. And GRAVY.” AS. DESSERT.
I KNOW. I ascended to Operating Thetan Level 8 just hearing it.
Forget cake-cutting—Selena’s out here about to ladle white gravy all over the dance floor while Benny beatboxes beside the mashed potatoes. And honestly? That’s love. That’s high-ARC affinity right there. 🛸💕
Also, tiny update: THEY HAVEN’T PICKED A DATE. Benny was on the Therapuss podcast (yes that’s a real thing, no I did not dream that in the auditing chair), and he spilled that they’ve both been working non-stop like two stressed-out squirrels on Adderall. But the nuptial noms are clearly top priority.
She might freeze a mini cake for her and Benny to eat 12 years from now, while watching reruns of Wizards of Waverly Place and chanting their postulates into the void. But as of now, Nana’s biscuits are taking center stage. Honestly, same.
This wedding is not for the weak. It’s for those who’ve done their Purification Rundown and lived to tell the tale.
#SelenaSaysNoToCake #GravyOverGown #ScientologyAndSnacks
P.S. If you’re not yet Clear, now’s the time. DM me. We’ve got tea, tech, and possibly biscuit-based auditing sessions.
@rarebeauty When the day comes, it’s a reminder to make every moment yours.