Dustin Lance Black just had his day in court, and boy, was it a rollercoaster. The 49-year-old screenwriter found himself in hot water after a wild night at a nightclub where BBC host Teddy Edwardes claimed he threw a drink over her and did some impromptu wrist gymnastics.
The saga started back in August when the trial got delayed because apparently, the courtroom was the hottest spot in town and double-booked. Fast forward to November 8, and the judge finally decided it was showtime, only to dismiss the whole shebang.
Why, you ask? Well, the judge played detective and found that Teddy’s evidence was about as consistent as a cat deciding between doors. The CCTV footage did its best impression of a blurry Bigfoot sighting, failing to capture Dustin’s alleged drink-pouring escapade.
The judge, channeling their inner Sherlock, said, “I accept Ms. Edwardes provided an account in which she confirmed Mr. Black grabbed her wrist,” but hold your horses, there’s a plot twist. The inconsistencies and weaknesses in her story were like plot holes in a bad rom-com—fundamental and impossible to ignore.
“She said today she couldn’t remember a wrist grab clearly,” the judge exclaimed, raising an eyebrow. Because, you know, it’s not everyday people forget whether their wrists were involved in a dramatic twist. Especially odd when you’ve been shouting it from the social media rooftops and telling the police the same tale.
In response to the courtroom drama, Dustin couldn’t contain his joy, saying, “I am pleased that the judge saw the truth today and ruled in my favor.” He went on to emphasize, “I am completely innocent, and in fact was the victim in this case of a serious assault. I am relieved this unfortunate matter is now over.”
And just like that, Dustin declared it a moment of exoneration, thanking the judge for setting the record straight. This case, he said, flew in the face of everything he is. Well, maybe now he can get back to the thrilling world of screenwriting without the added drama of nightclub wrist acrobatics.