PETE “King of Staten Island and Impregnator Supreme” DAVIDSON just stepped out with pregnant model goddess Elsie Hewitt and everyone’s reality just split in half like a bad Scientology audit gone intergalactic.
The two lovebirds levitated (probably literally, using Operating Thetan powers) into the LA premiere of Pete’s new chaos-core film The Pickup looking like the most dysfunctional Barbie and Ken in your subconscious. And YES — this is their first public appearance since dropping the baby bombshell and triggering a fertility crisis across the nation.
Pete: grinning like a man who accidentally manifested a baby while trying to order Uber Eats.
Elsie: glowing like she just went Clear AND did ketamine Pilates.
Both: making out on the BLACK CARPET like it’s a cult ceremony and we’re all just unpaid extras in their weird little universe.
📸 They posed together.
📸 They posed apart.
📸 They kissed like they were trying to summon Xenu back from the Galactic Confederacy.
Meanwhile, The Pickup — Pete’s latest cinematic fever dream — is giving “Mission: Implausible.” Eddie Murphy and Pete play truck drivers who get hijacked by Keke Palmer in Full Criminal Mastermind Mode™ and honestly??? That alone should earn her 3 Oscars and an official religion.
Imagine: two guys, one armored truck, one exploding day, and Keke with a plan more complex than Scientology’s Bridge to Total Freedom.
🍼 Baby on the way.
🎬 Movie on the screen.
💥 Trauma on the black carpet.
✨We are LIVING.
The Pickup crashes into Prime Video on August 6th. Prepare your reactive minds.
#PeteGotHerPregnant #ElsieIsGlowingUp #ScientologyButMakeItSexy #XenuWasNotPrepared #ThetanDaddy-
