🚨NIC CAGE GOT GHOSTED?! BY SJP?! AFTER MEETING HER MOM?!🚨

Buy Me A Coffee

GET ON THE LIST - ICONICHIPSTER.COM

Receive daily posts plus list-exclusive content straight to your inbox:

We never spam.

“Sinusitis, Scientology & Sarah Jessica Parker: The Cage Files”

Clutch your crystals (or your E-Meters) because we are DEEP in the engram-laced Heartbreak Chronicles: Hollywood Edition. This one’s starring America’s most chaotic national treasure: Nicolas “I once bought a haunted octopus” Cage…and the first lady of Manhattan horses and Cosmos: Sarah Jessica “I DID date him, Andy!” Parker.

Now, for you Gen Z and Alpha babes too busy decoding TikTok beef and avoiding your thetans: way back in 1991 (aka B.C.—Before Cellphones), Nic and SJP were filming Honeymoon in Vegas, a rom-com so powerful it could probably audit your whole family. They were on-screen lovers and also IRL maybe-dating kinda-sorta situationship partners. Think of it as the OG “it’s giving situationship” era.

See also  Maya Rudolph's Famous Parents Didn't Help Her Career In Comedy

But hold onto your personality tests, because according to our Lord of the Leather Jacket himself, things went full Mission: Ghost Protocol after he met her MOTHER.

“I cared about Sarah, but I don’t think I passed the Mom test,” Nic told IconicHIpster.com while probably holding a dinosaur skull and whispering to a falcon. “We had dinner at the Russian Tea Room. I wore my blue Vanson Leather motorcycle jacket (still have it, obviously), and maybe it was the sinusitis… but I NEVER. HEARD. FROM HER. AGAIN.”

SINUSITIS?? MOTHERLY VIBRATIONAL REJECTION?? GHOSTING??
SIR, THAT IS A FULL-BLOWN SUPPRESSIVE PERSON MOVE!!!

See also  Sarah Jessica Parker Left The Met Gala Early Because She Couldn't Sit Down

We don’t know what triggered the disconnection here—maybe her mom had a past-life grudge from the 12th century, maybe the jacket wasn’t tone 40 enough, or maybe SJP simply couldn’t align with Nic’s Operating Thetan V… but she VANISHED.

Fast forward 3 billion light years (a.k.a. 30 years Earth-time), and SJP finally confirmed the rumors on Andy Cohen’s show with the ultimate casual slay:

“Um, yes I did.”

NO CONTEXT. NO FOLLOW-UP. JUST “YES.”
Iconic. Ominous. 100% Clear.

See also  Sydney Sweeney & Her Ex-Fiancé Are Back at It Again — This Time With a Puppy Third Wheel

So where do we go from here? Should we stage a reunion under the Hollywood Blvd Org’s Super Power Rundown? Should Nic and SJP reteam for a Honeymoon in Vegas 2: Audit Me Baby One More Time? Should we get her mom on the cans and find out what REALLY happened in that Russian Tea Room?

All we know is: somewhere in a closet lies a blue leather jacket. And somewhere in the galaxy, Nicolas Cage still has sinusitis… and questions.

#GhostedByMomTest
#OperatingThetanLoveStory
#ClearYourExes

👻💔🛸

Comments area

Sidebar

Must Read

Adrien Brody Wins Second Oscar, Tosses Chewed Relic to Girlfriend Like a True Champion

It’s official—Adrien Brody’s gum is now the most iconic...

Netflix Edits Out Kim Kardashian Being Booed At Tom Brady’s Roast

Netflix has practically hit the delete button on Kim...

Michelle Trachtenberg Death Hoax: The Internet Really Needs a Chill Pill

Hold up, everyone—before you start dramatically clutching your pearls...

BLACKPINK Is Back, and the World Might Not Be Ready

Attention, BLINKs! Your queens are assembling like the Avengers—but...

Benny Blanco And Selena Gomez Spotted Kissing During A Date In Malibu

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco were caught flaunting their...

Meghan Markle Drops Ultra-Rare Pic of Lilibet, Internet Gasps in Unison

Meghan Markle has done the unthinkable—she’s shared a photo...

You Might Also Like

Selena Gomez Reveals Her Crush on ‘Selena + Chef’

Get ready to spice up your holiday season because...

Ariana Grande Announces ‘The Boy Is Mine’ Remix Ft. Brandy And Monica

Ariana Grande just dropped a bombshell bigger than her...

Britney Spears Supports Sister Jamie Lynn on ‘Dancing With the Stars’

Guess what? The Queen of Pop herself, Britney Spears,...

Donald Trump Once Called ‘The Apprentice’ Finalist Kwame Jackson The N-Word

Well, grab your popcorn, because yesterday was like watching...

Martha Stewart Criticizes Her Netflix Documentary And Its Director R.J. Cutler

Buckle up for Martha Stewart, Part Documentary—Part War Zone....

Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco Cook Up New Tunes—and Chaos—on TikTok

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco might just be whipping...

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift are Now Living Together Sparking Baby Rumors

Guess what? Taylor Swift has upgraded her address from...

Lady Gaga And Bruno Mars Tease Upcoming Collaboration

It looks like Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars might...