JT is getting MARRIED (eventually, probably, unless a Thetan interferes).
In a cover story with Cosmopolitan (yes, the magazine that taught your cousin how to flirt with a burrito), JT from City Girls finally spilled the space tea on her love life with glitter goblin and intergalactic noise elf, Lil Uzi Vert.
And guess what? She says they’re “definitely” getting married. Not maybe. Not probably. Not “when Mercury’s in Gatorade.” DEFINITELY.
“That’s my bestie, my dog, my Supreme Being,” JT said, while probably levitating gently with her tone scale on maximum theta. “We’ve been together since 2019, back when I was still jail-thick and raw as a clam in a halfway house. No BBL, just vibes.”
ICONIC. IMMACULATE. OT LEVEL 9 VIBRATION.
Uzi apparently walked in and said, “Yeah I want THAT one,” and boom—they spiritually bonded like two Operating Thetans passing notes in the Sea Org.
But let’s talk about the proposal, because JT has requirements. No IG Live, no TikTok sound with sparkles and lasers. This queen wants it how Beyoncé did it—secret, classy, and released YEARS later like an encrypted audit folder.
“I want short nails. I want elegance. I want the kind of proposal that makes a Clear cry,” she said, looking at the camera like she was about to drop a mixtape and an engagement ring all at once.
Translation: If Uzi proposes with glitter slime and anime cat ears on, she’s gonna teleport out of there with a firm “NOPE” and a new prenup from L. Ron himself.
So yeah—get ready. JT and Uzi are going from situationship to Scientological soul-bond, and when that ring finally lands? The internet will scream, the planets will align, and maybe—just maybe—we’ll all go Clear together.
#UziProposeAlready #JailThickToBrideQuick #OperatingThetansInLove 💍💫🌌
