STOP. THE. PLANET. Jeff “Money Mountain” Bezos and Lauren “Heli-Honey” Sánchez just tied the knot in a wedding so opulent it probably made Versailles blush, and how did they celebrate the next day? By casually taking over an entire historic Italian restaurant like it was a Starbucks drive-thru. ICONIC BEHAVIOR ONLY.
The newly-billionairefied duo was spotted in Venice, Italy (duh, where else do you have a $46 million wedding??), strutting into the legendary Harry’s Bar like two Bond villains on their honeymoon. Jeff was serving “retired Bond villain turned chill yacht dad” and Lauren looked like she just floated in on a cloud made of diamonds and helicopter propellers.
They didn’t just book a table. No no. They SHUT. IT. DOWN.
Private lunch only. Everyone else? Go eat spaghetti elsewhere. The couple reportedly wanted “something low-key” after their mega-marriage-palooza the day before, which is adorable considering the bar they shut down has served everyone from Ernest Hemingway to George Clooney’s espresso ghost.
ICYMI, their wedding reportedly cost FORTY. SIX. MILLION. DOLLARS. That’s, like, 46,000,000 McChickens. And Jeff, who is sitting on a casual **\$237 billion fortune** (that’s billion with a B for *Bezos*), probably didn’t even notice the charge hit his card. He sneezes and buys a yacht by accident.
So what did the fourth richest man in the universe and his TV anchor/aviation goddess bride eat after becoming intergalactic power couple of the century? No clue. But we’re guessing it involved gold-leaf gnocchi, tears of middle-class dreams, and a bread basket that cost more than your car.
Honestly? Goals. Unrelatable. Terrifying. But goals.
#RichPeopleThings #JeffAndLaurenForever #VeniceIsCancelled
