Athletes, listen up: The FBI has a new game plan, and it’s not about touchdowns, slam dunks, or home runs—it’s about keeping your shiny stuff safe from sticky-fingered burglars.
Apparently, there’s a league of organized theft groups (yes, think Ocean’s Eleven but with less charm and more breaking-and-entering) targeting the homes of professional athletes. Why? Because who wouldn’t want to snag a designer handbag or a watch fancy enough to make James Bond jealous?
According to ABC News, these high-end heists are being carried out by groups from South America who are not just sneaky but borderline supervillain-level sneaky. Between September and November 2024, at least nine athletes found themselves victims of these theft squads. Their tactics? Oh, just casual physical and technical surveillance, stalking social media, and digging through public info. Basically, they know when you’re posting that post-game selfie and are plotting their moves like it’s a Mission: Impossible sequel.
And these burglars don’t just waltz in. No, they’re tech-savvy masterminds: disabling alarms, jamming Wi-Fi signals (probably so you can’t check your Ring doorbell while munching nachos at practice), and even covering security cameras. They’re practically ninjas, except instead of throwing stars, they’re after diamond-studded Rolexes.
FBI’s Playbook for Athletes:
1. Be a Social Media Mystery: No real-time humblebragging about your new hot tub or posting videos of your open closet filled with designer gear. Save the flex for later.
2. Know Your Stuff: Keep a record of your valuables. That way, when you tell the cops “they took my bling,” you can actually prove what you’re talking about.
3. Watch Your Six: If your neighbor suddenly starts wearing a ski mask while trimming their hedges, maybe give the FBI a call.
Just ask Dallas Mavericks star Luka Dončić, whose $30,000 worth of jewelry went “poof” earlier this month. Or Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow, who found out the hard way that thieves don’t care if you’re mid-game when they’re raiding your fridge (and probably your safe).
Then there’s Kansas City Chiefs royalty, Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes, who got hit within 48 hours of each other in October. Talk about bad luck—and we’re not just talking about their fantasy league stats.
So, athletes, the moral of the story is clear: lock your doors, double-check your alarms, and maybe stop broadcasting your luxurious lifestyle to the world. Unless, of course, you want to end up as the next victim in the “Bling Ring: Sports Edition.”
