Okay, imagine A Real Pain… but instead of Kieran Culkin’s award-scooping, tears-in-eyes, Oscar-approved performance, we got Eric Andre in there throwing sandwiches at ghosts of Eastern Europe. That’s the alternate universe we almost got. And now we can’t stop thinking about it.
So here’s the tea: Eric Andre, our chaos king of comedy and certified gremlin of daytime television, revealed that he could’ve been the one holding that shiny gold Oscar, if he had just said “yes” instead of “umm… Poland??”
On Andrew Santino’s Whiskey Ginger podcast (aka the place where comedians go to confess career regrets and wild life choices), Eric spilled it all:
“Two years ago, Jesse Eisenberg calls me, offers me the role that Kieran Culkin got the Oscar for,” Eric said. “I read the script. I was like, ‘I dunno if I wanna go to Poland.’”
Classic. Not “I don’t connect with the character.” Not “The material wasn’t strong enough.” Just: Poland, though??
But wait—it gets deeper. Andre explained that his hesitation wasn’t just about a passport stamp. It was the vibes.
“All my Jewish side is Polish Jews that got cooked in the concentration camps,” he said. “So I was like, ‘That seems really miserable, and not in my lane.’”
Translation: “Six weeks of Holocaust feels? Sounds like a major buzzkill. Do I at least get to punch someone or eat a hot dog made of confetti?”
“I was like, ‘I appreciate the offer. I’m sure it’s gonna be great. But I’m not really looking to sob my way through Poland right now,’” he added.
Apparently, the script was also packed with monologues and emotions and actual acting—you know, the Oscar-bait kind. And Eric? He was busy trying to get another film off the ground, a film that apparently kept getting postponed more times than your friend who swears they’re “on their way” but hasn’t left their house yet.
But here’s the kicker, and where the existential dread starts to creep in:
> “The motherf—er won an Oscar for the role I passed on,” Eric confessed. “And it’s not like I get offered roles constantly. I’m not f—in’ Leonardo DiCapricock.”
Let’s take a moment to appreciate DiCapricock, the new patron saint of missed opportunities.
Eric kept it real, admitting that it kinda smarts seeing your maybe-role get golden statues and emotional montages.
“It still stings when you’re watching Hollywood burn, you’re watching America burn, and you’re watching the Oscars, and you’re like, ‘Oh, maybe I should’ve taken that.’”
Honestly, same. We’ve all passed up a gig or a date or a questionable gas station taco, only to regret it later. But when your “nah, I’m good” turns into Best Supporting Actor… that hits different.
So, shout out to Eric Andre, for keeping it raw, funny, and painfully relatable. And shout out to Kieran Culkin, who owes Eric a fruit basket, a thank-you note, and possibly one of those Oscars, just to split the emotional bill.
Next time someone offers you a sad, historical, six-week European emotional rollercoaster? Just say yes. You might win an Oscar. Or at least a really dramatic IMDb credit.
