This story has everything: beatdowns, brown paper bags, FaceTime fumbles, NDAs with more clauses than Santa’s contract, and a man making $10.50/hour who found himself negotiating hush-money deals like he was in a Scorsese film. Let’s dive into DiddyGate 3000โข, starring one terrified hotel security guard and a music mogul doing the absolute most to keep his reputation (and his surveillance tapes) locked down.
Scene One: The Hotel, The Tape, The โOh Noโ
Itโs 2016. Beyoncรฉโs โFormationโ is fresh. Pokรฉmon Go is ruining traffic. And at the InterContinental in L.A., a security guard named Eddy Garcia is just trying to do his jobโwatch cameras, sip stale coffee, and not get involved in celebrity drama.
Well. About that.
Eddy, who probably thought his wildest night at work would involve a minibar robbery, ends up watching a surveillance video of what he later realizes is Sean โDiddyโ Combs allegedly attacking Cassie. At the time, he had no clue who they were. Just two people, acting like WWE was happening in a luxury suite.
Law enforcement wasnโt called. No one asked for an ambulance. And Eddy? He was just trying to stay in his laneโฆ until Kristina Khorram (Diddyโs chief of staff, not a Bond villain, despite the name) came in hot asking for the tape.
Eddy, being a professional (read: terrified), told her: โSubpoena, sweetie.โ
But then… the call came.
Yes. That call.
Scene Two: FaceTime of the Rich & Infamous
First, Kristina rang. Then Diddy himself hopped on the phone, practically pleading, โThat tapeโs gonna end me, bro!โ
Eddy reminded him: โI donโt even have server access.โ
Diddy: โI got you, fam. I can take care of you.โ
Translation? Cha-ching.
Eddy floated the idea to his boss, who responded like a Vegas bookie: โ$50K and itโs yours.โ
Diddy said, โDone. But I want the only copy. Not a bootleg, not a TikTok snippet. DELETE. IT. ALL.โ
Diddy even pulled Cassie into a FaceTime to double-confirm she didnโt want that tape to see the light of day. According to Eddy, she co-signed: โYeah, not the vibe right now.โ (Which is probably the politest way to refer to a felony assault video.)
Scene Three: The NDA & The Paper Bag of Doom
In true cloak-and-dagger fashion, an NDA was signedโone that basically said:
- Say nothing.
- Burn everything.
- Violate this and you owe a million bucks.<
Was the NDA read?
Eddy: โNo, I was shaking like a leaf in a wind tunnel.โ
Same, bestie.
Then, as if he were auditioning for a role in Oceanโs Eleven: Celebrity Scandal Edition, Diddy returns with a brown paper bag and a money counterโyes, like the kind you see in drug cartel documentaries.
He starts counting:
$10K.
Another $10K.
Rinse, repeat.
Until he hits $100,000.
Apparently, the OG deal was $50K, but Diddy was feeling generous-ish. The extra cash was for the other security guards, making this the first time in history someone paid a six-figure bribe in exact increments like a rapper-turned-accountant.
Eddyโs cut? $30,000.
What did he buy? A used car. (Sirโฆ you couldโve at least gone full opulence and bought a vintage convertible or a yacht with a hole in it.)
Diddy also offered life advice:
โDonโt make any big purchases.โ
Aka: โDonโt be dumb, donโt buy a Lambo, and for the love of God, donโt flex on Instagram.โ
Scene Four: Holy Texts & Job Hunting
Later, on Easter, Diddy texts Eddy:
โHappy Easter my angel, God is good.โ
Right after making it rain to cover up an alleged assault.
God probably did not co-sign that message, FYI.
Oh, and yesโEddy did ask about a job with Diddyโs company after all this. Because clearly, nothing says โpotential hireโ like helping your new boss bury evidence.
But then the real problem came: the cops.
When investigators came knocking, Eddy allegedly fibbed harder than a guy on Hinge who says he’s 6’2″. But then he got a lawyer, got a little scared, and decided to tell the truth-ish.
Eddy Garcia went from $10.50/hour night shift security guard to bag man in a hip-hop thriller in the blink of a FaceTime.
The moral of the story?
- Don’t sell surveillance footage.
- NDAs with million-dollar penalties are not your friend.
- And if Diddy ever says โGod is goodโ while handing you hush money in a Trader Joeโs bagโRUN.
This has been a bonkers dispatch from the reality show weโre all trapped in, called Earth.
