This story has everything: beatdowns, brown paper bags, FaceTime fumbles, NDAs with more clauses than Santa’s contract, and a man making $10.50/hour who found himself negotiating hush-money deals like he was in a Scorsese film. Let’s dive into DiddyGate 3000™, starring one terrified hotel security guard and a music mogul doing the absolute most to keep his reputation (and his surveillance tapes) locked down.
Scene One: The Hotel, The Tape, The “Oh No”
It’s 2016. Beyoncé’s “Formation” is fresh. Pokémon Go is ruining traffic. And at the InterContinental in L.A., a security guard named Eddy Garcia is just trying to do his job—watch cameras, sip stale coffee, and not get involved in celebrity drama.
Well. About that.
Eddy, who probably thought his wildest night at work would involve a minibar robbery, ends up watching a surveillance video of what he later realizes is Sean “Diddy” Combs allegedly attacking Cassie. At the time, he had no clue who they were. Just two people, acting like WWE was happening in a luxury suite.
Law enforcement wasn’t called. No one asked for an ambulance. And Eddy? He was just trying to stay in his lane… until Kristina Khorram (Diddy’s chief of staff, not a Bond villain, despite the name) came in hot asking for the tape.
Eddy, being a professional (read: terrified), told her: “Subpoena, sweetie.”
But then… the call came.
Yes. That call.
Scene Two: FaceTime of the Rich & Infamous
First, Kristina rang. Then Diddy himself hopped on the phone, practically pleading, “That tape’s gonna end me, bro!”
Eddy reminded him: “I don’t even have server access.”
Diddy: “I got you, fam. I can take care of you.”
Translation? Cha-ching.
Eddy floated the idea to his boss, who responded like a Vegas bookie: “$50K and it’s yours.”
Diddy said, “Done. But I want the only copy. Not a bootleg, not a TikTok snippet. DELETE. IT. ALL.”
Diddy even pulled Cassie into a FaceTime to double-confirm she didn’t want that tape to see the light of day. According to Eddy, she co-signed: “Yeah, not the vibe right now.” (Which is probably the politest way to refer to a felony assault video.)
Scene Three: The NDA & The Paper Bag of Doom
In true cloak-and-dagger fashion, an NDA was signed—one that basically said:
- Say nothing.
- Burn everything.
- Violate this and you owe a million bucks.<
Was the NDA read?
Eddy: “No, I was shaking like a leaf in a wind tunnel.”
Same, bestie.
Then, as if he were auditioning for a role in Ocean’s Eleven: Celebrity Scandal Edition, Diddy returns with a brown paper bag and a money counter—yes, like the kind you see in drug cartel documentaries.
He starts counting:
$10K.
Another $10K.
Rinse, repeat.
Until he hits $100,000.
Apparently, the OG deal was $50K, but Diddy was feeling generous-ish. The extra cash was for the other security guards, making this the first time in history someone paid a six-figure bribe in exact increments like a rapper-turned-accountant.
Eddy’s cut? $30,000.
What did he buy? A used car. (Sir… you could’ve at least gone full opulence and bought a vintage convertible or a yacht with a hole in it.)
Diddy also offered life advice:
“Don’t make any big purchases.”
Aka: “Don’t be dumb, don’t buy a Lambo, and for the love of God, don’t flex on Instagram.”
Scene Four: Holy Texts & Job Hunting
Later, on Easter, Diddy texts Eddy:
“Happy Easter my angel, God is good.”
Right after making it rain to cover up an alleged assault.
God probably did not co-sign that message, FYI.
Oh, and yes—Eddy did ask about a job with Diddy’s company after all this. Because clearly, nothing says “potential hire” like helping your new boss bury evidence.
But then the real problem came: the cops.
When investigators came knocking, Eddy allegedly fibbed harder than a guy on Hinge who says he’s 6’2″. But then he got a lawyer, got a little scared, and decided to tell the truth-ish.
Eddy Garcia went from $10.50/hour night shift security guard to bag man in a hip-hop thriller in the blink of a FaceTime.
The moral of the story?
- Don’t sell surveillance footage.
- NDAs with million-dollar penalties are not your friend.
- And if Diddy ever says “God is good” while handing you hush money in a Trader Joe’s bag—RUN.
This has been a bonkers dispatch from the reality show we’re all trapped in, called Earth.
