Conan O’Brien Learns the Oscars Are Basically a Religious Cult, and Frankly, He’s Terrified

Buy Me A Coffee

Conan O’Brien just survived hosting the 2025 Academy Awards, and he’s here to spill the tea—or rather, drop the golden statue, which is apparently illegal.

The 61-year-old comedic legend recently shared some behind-the-scenes intel that will have you questioning whether the Oscars are an awards show or a top-secret society run by a shadowy cabal of very serious people in tuxedos.

Speaking on his Conan Needs a Friend podcast, Conan revealed that he had some truly groundbreaking ideas for the Oscar statue—ideas that were immediately crushed under the Academy’s unrelenting boot of tradition.

See also  Ryan Reynolds And Hugh Jackman May Be Hosting Next Year's Oscars

The Couch Catastrophe
Picture this: The Oscar statue, lounging on a massive couch, totally relaxed, while Conan frantically vacuums around it. “Could you at least lift your feet?” he imagined himself saying to the golden freeloader. “Or, I don’t know, help out? Maybe load the dishwasher?”

The Academy’s response? Immediate rejection.

“‘No, no, no, that can’t happen,’” Conan recalled them saying, probably while clutching their pearls and hyperventilating into a bag made of old Oscar speeches.

Then came the real kicker:

“One of the people from the Academy came forward and said, ‘Oscar can never be horizontal.’

See also  Jessica Simpson Spills the Tea on Her Pop Star Past, Plotting World Domination With Ashlee

Wait, what?

Yes. You heard that right. Oscar must remain upright at all times, like a disciplined royal guard or a kid who just got scolded for slouching.

This revelation blew Conan’s mind.

“Wow, this is like the thigh bone of St. Peter,” he marveled, clearly realizing that the Oscar statue is not just an award—it’s basically a sacred relic.

No Aprons, No Fun
Undeterred, Conan pitched another brilliant idea: Oscar as a devoted housewife, complete with an apron, serving up some good old-fashioned leftovers. Maybe a nice meatloaf? Perhaps some spaghetti from three nights ago?

See also  Pamela Anderson Claps Back at Oscars Snub, and Honestly, She’s Unbothered AF

The Academy’s response? Once again, absolute horror.

“No clothing on Oscar,” they declared, as if that was the 11th Commandment. “Oscar is always naked.”

And just like that, Conan learned the hard way that the Academy Awards are not just about honoring Hollywood’s finest. They are about upholding the sacred, eternal, and oddly strict rules surrounding a small, golden, permanently nude man.

Will Conan return to host the Oscars again? Who knows. But one thing is clear: He now fears the Academy.

Comments area

Sidebar

Must Read

Renee Rap Says Justin Bieber Reminded Her of a Lesbian

Renee Rapp had a wild Bieber fever, claiming the...

Lil Nas X Teases Comeback

Hold onto your cowboy hats and prepare for the...

You Might Also Like

Gordon Ramsay Has a Sixth Child

Hold onto your chef's hats because Gordon Ramsay has...

Megan Thee Stallion Teases ‘Act Two’ Of Her Album ‘Megan’

Megan Thee Stallion is back at it, ready to...

Lil Nas X Reveals Why He Said ‘Nah’ to a Taylor Swift Collab

Lil Nas X just confirmed that he and Taylor...

Pete Davidson vs. Tattoo Removal: The Battle He Never Wanted

Pete Davidson is officially breaking up with his tattoos—because...

Simon Cowell Shares Tribute To Liam Payne After His Death

In heartbreaking news, Simon Cowell took to social media...

Kim Kardashian Wishes Caitlyn Jenner a Happy 74th Birthday

It's Caitlyn Jenner's birthday and we're not just celebrating...

Will Smith Slated To Perform A New Song At The BET Awards

On Monday (June 24), the news broke like a...