Bill Maher has officially assured fans he’s not ditching Real Time—though he’d probably love to ditch the drama of American politics. The 68-year-old comedian, who’s been dishing out sarcasm and scathing commentary on HBO for over two decades, had previously floated the idea of quitting. Why? Because the thought of covering another Donald Trump presidency had him contemplating early retirement—or maybe just a long nap.
But worry not! Maher’s sticking around, and you’ll have to pry the show from his cold, joke-worn hands.
“Drag Me Off the Stage, I Dare You”
In a recent interview with CNN’s Jake Tapper, Bill shot down the rumors of his impending TV exit faster than he shuts down hecklers at his live shows.
“I don’t know where this whole ‘I’m quitting Real Time’ thing started,” he said. “They’re going to have to drag me off that show. Like, physically. And good luck, I’ve got 20 years of sitting behind that desk under my belt—I’m glued to it.”
So, what’s the deal with the earlier “may quit” comments? Bill explained it was less about quitting and more about exhaustion. Specifically, Trump-induced exhaustion.
“I’ve already done all the Trump jokes. Every. Single. One,” he lamented. “The guy’s a walking punchline factory, but how many times can you hit the same button before it stops being funny? I was hoping America would switch up the cast for the next season of ‘This Democracy’s a Mess.’”
The End of Stand-Up (But Not the Sass)
While Real Time isn’t going anywhere, Bill did drop a bombshell: he’s retiring from stand-up. Gasp! After 40 years of grueling travel, endless hotel buffets, and crowds of strangers expecting him to be funny on cue, he’s ready to hang up his mic.
“Look, I love stand-up. Nothing beats being on stage, telling jokes to a room full of strangers who are half-drunk and ready to laugh,” Bill shared. “But here’s the thing—stand-up is like being a boxer. You’ve gotta train. You can’t just show up and expect to land punches. And after 40 years of training, I need a break. My abs are tired, metaphorically speaking.”
He added, “Also, I’m tired of dragging my ass out of bed on a Saturday morning to fly to God-knows-where. I spend all week working my butt off on Real Time, only to end up in some random town trying to remember if the local bar serves decent nachos. Enough already.”
TL;DR
Bill Maher isn’t leaving Real Time. He’s just tired of Trump, tired of touring, and maybe a little tired of getting out of bed before noon. But hey, as long as the cameras are rolling and the political circus keeps spinning, you can count on Bill to be there with his signature blend of sarcasm, sass, and just a touch of exasperation.
