Brazilian superstar Anitta is spilling the beans about her wild ride with a mystery illness that had her thinking she’d be auditioning for the big concert in the sky.
Picture this: It’s 2022, and 31-year-old Anitta, the queen of funk and twerk, finds herself stuck in a real-life episode of “House.” After getting cozy with COVID-19, she suddenly starts collecting a weird array of symptoms like they were rare Pokémon cards. Just as her European tour was wrapping up, so was her immune system, and she got so sick she ended up taking a five-month vacation at the least fun resort ever—the hospital.
“I was so unhealthy I was practically a potato,” she confessed, “a very sick potato.”
Anitta wasn’t just battling the sniffles; she was convinced her next tour would be in the afterlife. “I genuinely thought I was going to croak,” she admitted, probably picturing herself headlining a ghostly Coachella. The sickness was so intense that it forced her to hit pause on her career, something she hadn’t done since… well, ever.
Doctors, meanwhile, were playing the world’s longest game of “Guess Who?” trying to figure out what was ailing her. “Is it lupus?” “Does she have scurvy?” “Has anyone checked WebMD?”
Reflecting on this ordeal, Anitta had a major epiphany. “I realized I was wasting so much time trying to be a human disco ball—shiny, spinning, and super extra,” she said. This near-death experience hit her harder than a drop in a bass-heavy funk track. She decided it was time to focus on what truly mattered: making an album. Because, if she was going out, she was going out with a bang and a banger.
“So there I was, lying in my hospital bed, hooked up to IVs, and thinking, ‘I need a soundtrack for this melodrama!’ That’s how ‘Funk Generation’ was born. I wanted an album so hot it could raise the dead, just in case I joined them.”
Fast forward, and Anitta is back, healthier than a kale smoothie, both in body and spirit. “Turns out the secret to feeling better wasn’t in a pill but in getting my groove back and reconnecting with my Yoruba roots,” she shared. “I started digging deep into my spirituality and found peace faster than a fast-forwarded meditation session on YouTube.”
Despite never getting an official diagnosis (seriously, House, where were you?), Anitta bounced back and is now living her best life, funkier and more fabulous than ever.
So, if you’re feeling down, remember Anitta’s story: when life gives you a mystery illness, make an album so lit that even the Grim Reaper has to stop and dance.
Below: Anitta rocks the stage at NBC’s Today show in Rockefeller Plaza on May 31, turning New York City into her personal dance floor.
