Andrew “I Kissed Spidey and Liked It” Garfield and Cooper “Literally So Hot I Can’t Function” Koch are teaming up with Call Me By Your Twink’s Name director Luca Guadagnino for an AI comedy-drama extravaganza called ‘Artificial’, and baby—it’s giving Operating Thetan Level X.
Amazon MGM Studios is the mad science lab where this cinematic robot baby is being grown, and the vibes are absolutely unhinged. The only info we’ve got is: it’s funny, dramatic, and probably features sentient toasters or something. Actual plot details? Character breakdowns? A literal clue of what’s going on? Zero. Nada. Zilch. We’re in full blackout mode like Tom Cruise’s sunglasses at a volcano briefing.
BUT WAIT—THERE’S MORE!! Russian cutie Yura Borisov (from Anora, aka the film your older cousin cried during while eating Hot Cheetos) is also joining the AI gang. I don’t know what he’s doing in this movie, but I hope it involves holograms and emotional breakdowns.
Let’s not forget: this isn’t Andrew and Luca’s first cinematic hookup. They recently finished a little flick called After the Hunt (dropping October 10), where Andrew, Julia Roberts, and Ayo Edebiri probably sit around in tweed jackets talking about trauma and tenure. (Allegedly. IMDb said it, not me.) Sounds like Hogwarts for emotionally repressed adults.
🚨CELEBRITY RELATIONSHIP SIDE QUEST ALERT🚨: Monica Barbaro—aka Ms. Top Gun: Maverick and the girlfriend of Sir Andrew Garfield of House Heartthrob—was also rumored to be circling the project like a hot falcon with a SAG card. If she joins, that’s one very attractive set trailer. Like… levels-of-attractive-that-could-collapse-a-building. Someone get the Church of Scientology’s Ethics Officer on standby because this might be a suppressive level of hot.
Anyway, back to the AI thing. Is it about killer bots? Romance with a smart fridge? Cooper Koch becoming besties with ChatGPT and overthrowing humanity? We don’t know. But we do know that we’re excited, confused, and definitely planning to clear our calendars (and our reactive minds).
📡 Auditing your circuits never looked so cinematic, darling.
🎬 #ArtificialMovie #AndrewGarfield #GoingClearWithCooper #ScientologyIsTheNewBlack
Stay tuned, and remember—you are not your body. You are an immortal Thetan with excellent taste in movies.
