Alabama Barker is here to shake up the political scene… by not voting. That’s right, the 18-year-old offspring of Travis Barker (yes, the guy with more tattoos than a graffiti wall) and Shanna Moakler (yes, we’ve all seen Meet the Barkers… or not) has taken her newfound right to vote and, well, decided to pass like she’s skipping leg day at the gym.
In a riveting Instagram Live (the modern day soapbox), Alabama let her followers know exactly why she’s not stepping into a voting booth this election season. Spoiler: It’s not because she’s too busy trying to figure out why her dad keeps jumping off drum sets.
So, here’s the tea: Alabama’s not voting for either Donald Trump or Kamala Harris. Now, before you point out that Kamala Harris isn’t running for president, let’s remember, as she generously pointed out, “I’m a little bit stupid.” Points for honesty!
“It’s kinda immature if I talk about it and I’m not fully educated,” she explained, as if she’s been moonlighting as a philosophy professor. “But I do have an opinion. And I’ll keep it to myself.” Ah, the classic “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you” of political hot takes.
But wait, there’s more! Alabama hit us with a logic bomb: Not voting? Totally not crazy. In her mind, why bother voting if you don’t know what you’re voting for? She’s like, “What’s the point of picking a side if you’re just gonna guess?” Honestly, it’s like showing up to a buffet and not knowing what’s inside the mystery casserole. You wouldn’t want to commit to that, right?
And don’t get it twisted—she could educate herself on candidates, platforms, issues, and whatever else, but in the end, she’s like, “Nah.” Because why stress over world-shaping decisions when you can scroll through TikTok instead?
She doubled down: “I don’t care to vote if I don’t know exactly what’s going on. I don’t think that’s wrong. And I completely stand on that.” I mean, she stands firm, like a perfectly stiff can of hairspray. You’ve got to admire the commitment to not committing.
Alabama reminded us all that she’s never voted before. (Shocking, since she’s only been legally allowed to for, like, five minutes.) And she’s not about to start now. “I don’t have to vote if I don’t want to, and if I don’t want to be in politics, I don’t have to be in politics,” she said, as if she’s turning down an invite to a party no one was sure she was invited to in the first place.
The cherry on top of this non-voting sundae? She’s not doing any “research” because, well, politics just doesn’t pique her interest. It’s like trying to get her excited about tax forms or cleaning out the garage. Hard pass.
Of course, things got spicy when someone in the comments suggested her “privilege” was showing, to which she responded, “Like, what? Because I don’t want to vote?” No, Alabama, it’s probably because you just gave the verbal equivalent of shrugging for 15 minutes straight on a platform with millions of followers. But hey, maybe next year she’ll vote! Or not. Depends on if she feels like studying for it…