WELL. The Sleepy Cheeto™ is back at it again—this time literally falling asleep mid-flex during a military parade that cost enough money to buy every teen on TikTok a Tesla and still have cash left over for iced lattes. 😵💫
Jimmy Kimmel, your fave savage late-night uncle, went absolutely feral on Donald Trump during Jimmy Kimmel Live after footage dropped of the ex-prez nodding off during a mega-expensive military parade celebrating the Army’s 250th birthday. (Spoiler alert: the only army Donnie’s been in is the one defending his spray tan.)
“There’s sleepy Don, taking it all in,” Jimmy cackled. “To be fair, that’s as close as he’s gotten to sleeping with Melania in years—so he took the opportunity.” 😭💀
NOT THE MELANIA SHADE. But wait—it gets juicier.
Kimmel played another cringetastic clip where Trump reached for Melania’s hand and she said “nope” with her entire Slovenian soul. Jimmy dubbed it “The Slovenian Snub,” and honestly? We’re printing it on shirts.
AND GUESS WHAT? The whole snooze-fest happened on Trump’s 79th birthday, which explains the vibes: less “military tribute” and more “sad old man throws tantrum bash nobody came to.” Jimmy even called it a “stupid sweet 16 disguised as a patriotic event,” and… he’s not wrong.
To make things spicier, Kimmel reminded us that the same man blowing millions on tanks and trombones used bone spurs to dodge the draft like a ghosting ex. 😮💨
Also, because this fever dream never ends, Trump just announced he’s entering the wireless phone business. We don’t know what’s scarier: the fact that he’s creating his own mobile carrier, or the idea that your grandma might accidentally sign up for it.
Anyway, sleep tight, Donnie. May your dreams be filled with parades you actually stay awake for.
#TheZaddyNapChronicles
#SlovenianSnubbed
#WirelessButClueless