Whitney Cummings didn’t come to play—she came to slay, torch, and absolutely flambé the year 2024 during CNN’s New Year’s Eve Live 2025 special on Tuesday (December 31). The 42-year-old comedian delivered a roast so spicy, it probably set off some fire alarms at CNN headquarters. Spoiler: nobody was safe—not Andy Cohen, not Anderson Cooper, not even Disney or Ariana Grande.
She opened her roast with a thunderous quip (literally):
“Was that thunder? Oh, wait, no—that’s just Kathy Griffin yelling at you from the street. Are you sure? I think she’s out there hexing you, Anderson!” Poor Kathy. Even Mother Nature couldn’t save her from this one.
But Whitney didn’t stop there. She lobbed a jab at CNN’s ratings while plugging her own 2025 tour:
“I thought being a mom would mean fewer people coming to see me, but no—now I’m selling out 3,000-seat theaters. Which, coincidentally, is about the same size as CNN’s audience these days.” Ouch. Someone get Anderson a Band-Aid for that one.
Then came the Menendez brothers reference that no one saw coming:
“This year, people were so badly behaved, we started feeling nostalgic for murderers. Like, were we too hard on the Menendez brothers? Did they have a point? Discuss.” True crime buffs, take note—this is the discourse we didn’t know we needed.
Whitney didn’t hold back on pop culture either, poking fun at Ariana Grande’s ever-changing aesthetic:
“White supremacy groups reached record highs. It got so bad, Ariana Grande turned white again.” Honestly, is she wrong?
Hollywood also got its fair share of shade. She roasted the industry’s bizarre obsession with “progress”:
“This year, Demi Moore starred in a movie called The Substance—which shows Hollywood is finally ready for women in their 50s… as long as there’s a hot 28-year-old in a leotard nearby. And Pam Anderson is getting Oscar buzz for going makeup-free. Guys, it’s not feminism if we’re calling it ‘brave.’”
And of course, Whitney saved some extra zing for Andy Cohen himself:
“This was the year everyone hated The Joker, but if you love watching men spiral into madness in under two hours, you can just watch Andy Cohen during the countdown.” Brutal. Andy might need a therapy session after that one.
As her time ticked away, Whitney gleefully acknowledged the chaos she was leaving behind:
“I can’t believe you guys are still letting me talk. No censorship on CNN! Love you guys—please, Andy, stop me before I roast the whole network!”
But wait—there’s more! After the show, Whitney took to Twitter (or X, if you’re trying to be trendy) to share the roast bits she had to speed through like a stand-up Usain Bolt:
“Since I ran out of time (and courage), here’s what I couldn’t finish live:
– The first Trump shooter didn’t own silverware.
– The Saudi Crown Prince invested in Disney.
– Why is fluoride still in our water?
– Monsanto paid Google to bury bad press.
– Why do so many presidential chefs keep mysteriously dying?”
Conspiracy theorists, start your engines. Whitney just handed you a buffet of hot takes.
Whitney Cummings, reminding us that if you can’t laugh at the world’s absurdity, you’re probably doing New Year’s Eve wrong. Cheers to 2025—may it bring us fewer white supremacists, more sensible murder nostalgia, and a CNN audience that fits into a football stadium.
this is what I said at the end of my roast set on CNN tonight that I zoomed through beacause I was running out of time (and scared) : Since I only have a minute left and I’m live on an establishment media, I figured I’d list some of things mainstream media will never cover:…
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) January 1, 2025
