Matthew Noszka, the 31-year-old walking definition of “Hey, isn’t that guy from something?”, has landed the role of a lifetime as Kim Kardashian’s rumored on-screen love interest in her new show All’s Fair. Yes, you heard that right, Kim K is stepping off the reality TV throne and into a scripted drama, and who better to stand by her side than a guy you might’ve squinted at while watching Star or No Hard Feelings? (It’s okay if you don’t remember. The man’s face looks like it was chiseled out of marble, but his IMDb page is a bit less solid.)
Matthew is the latest shiny addition to Ryan Murphy’s star-studded fever dream of a show, which, because it’s Ryan Murphy, of course includes legends like Glenn Close (the OG Cruella), Sarah Paulson (Murphy’s forever MVP), Niecy Nash (the queen of sass), Naomi Watts (just casually being flawless), and Teyana Taylor (here to break hearts and steal scenes). Honestly, if there were any more star power in this cast, we’d have to wear SPF 100 just to watch it.
Now, Noszka didn’t just quietly sign his contract and go about his day like a normal person. Oh no. He took to Instagram, where all important Hollywood news is announced these days, and dropped the mother of all teasers. He reposted a Deadline article about his casting and confirmed that his character will be named… drumroll please… Chase Munroe. Yes, because nothing screams “sexy adult procedural” like a dude named Chase who sounds like he was plucked straight from a teen soap opera.
But wait—there’s more! Matthew hinted that his character is an NFL star quarterback. That’s right, ladies and gents, brace yourselves for some intense gridiron drama… or at least a few shots of him in tight pants throwing a football really dramatically. It’s unclear if this means there will be courtroom football games or just lots of slow-motion hair flips, but honestly, who cares? As long as Kim’s lawyer character is there serving up legal advice and contouring tips, we’re in.
In case you were wondering what this show is all about (besides a bunch of good-looking people with complicated love lives), it’s been described as a “high-end, glossy, and sexy adult procedural.” In other words, it’s the TV equivalent of ordering the fancy wine at dinner instead of whatever’s on happy hour. Kim will be playing a Los Angeles divorce lawyer who runs an all-female law firm because, duh, in the world of Ryan Murphy, even your lawyer has to look like she just stepped off the cover of Vogue.
Kim K, NFL quarterbacks, high-end glossiness, and an ensemble cast that could probably solve any legal drama and throw a killer after-party. We don’t know much yet, but one thing’s for sure—this is going to be a ride.