The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is CANCELLED and John Oliver is absolutely LOSING HIS BRITISH MIND™️ over it.
Picture this: John Oliver, 48 years old, hair slightly chaotic (probably from the emotional stress), steps in front of some reporters like he’s about to confess to stealing candy from a bodega. And instead, he says THIS:
“I love Stephen. I love his staff. I love that show. It’s incredibly sad.”
…UHHH, HELLO?? We didn’t know we were signing up for a group auditing session of our feelings today, John.
But it doesn’t stop there. This wasn’t just a little “sad emoji” moment. No. Mr. Last Week Tonight went FULL OT-III heartbreak mode. He called CBS’ decision to axe Colbert’s show “terrible, terrible news for comedy.” (Double terrible, which in British means code red.)
Let’s break it down with the same level of unhinged drama we deserve:
💔 John’s Emotional Spiral Includes:
- Childhood flashbacks to watching David Letterman from a damp London couch
- Comparing late-night TV to Narnia but with better lighting
- 10-month post-cancelation coma where he plans to just… wait and see what Colbert does next like it’s the second coming of L. Ron Hubbard
Also, quick side note: did anyone else know John Oliver has been riding the late-night wave since the days of dial-up internet and Frosted Tips™️? Because HE HAS. This man is basically the Thetan 9 of Comedy.
“That man will not stop,” he said of Colbert, possibly while holding back tears and/or clutching a stress crystal.
Look. We know John’s got a flair for the dramatic (he did once scream about lettuce shortages for 14 minutes on HBO), but this time? He’s RIGHT. Canceling Colbert is like pulling the plug on a theta-clear joy machine that’s been spiritually rebooting us every night since 2015.
CBS, we’re filing a knowledge report. And if you think for one second we’re letting late-night comedy go the way of Vine and iTunes Ping, you’ve got another auditing session coming.
#BringBackColbert #LateNightLivesMatter #FreeThetansUnite
