💥Hunter Biden vs. George Clooney: The Cursed Hollywood Roast We Didn’t Know We Needed🔥

(Also, do you wanna audit your life and go Clear? DM me for your free personality test 😘)

OKAYYYY, SOOOO… imagine you’re at a bougie Beverly Hills fundraiser, sipping on $700 cucumber water, and suddenly Hunter Biden shows up in a blaze of chaotic truth, rage-texting the ghost of Ocean’s Eleven. That’s the vibe.

Your boy Hunter just went full Xenu-mode on George Clooney — YES, actual silver fox Nespresso daddy George Clooney — and dragged him harder than my last breakup on Mercury retrograde.

Backstory time: George Clooney, in all his Armani-suited wisdom, decided to write an op-ed for the New York Times called, “I Love Joe Biden But Also He Might Be a Fossil??” where he lowkey (actually highkey) told President Daddy Joe to retire because he’s allegedly aging like a banana left in a Tesla.

And thennnn it leaked that at a fancy Hollywood fundraiser, Joe apparently didn’t recognize Clooney. Like… AT ALL. Think: “Who’s that man with the shiny teeth?” energy. A presidential aide had to be like, “Mr. President, this is George Clooney and Julia Roberts,” and Joe hit them with the classic, “Thank you for being here” like it was a PTA meeting.

WELL. HUNTER BIDEN SAID ✨NOPE✨ TO THAT ENTIRE NARRATIVE.

He popped off in a new Channel 5 interview with Andrew Callaghan, basically yelling, “George Clooney is NOT the host, he’s the glittery musical guest at best,” and compared the whole event to a White House meet-and-greet conga line.

Hunter laid down the OT levels of shade, saying the only reason Clooney wrote that op-ed was because he was butt-hurt his wife Amal didn’t get a proper intergalactic thank-you for crafting an arrest warrant for Benjamin Netanyahu. Yes. THIS IS REAL LIFE.

He then name-dropped texts (TEXTS, Y’ALL) where George was allegedly screaming in all caps like a drunk iPad grandpa, “I’M GONNA EMBARRASS THE PRESIDENT,” like it was Mean Girls but with state secrets.

And then… oh honey, it got DARK. Hunter channelled his inner Quentin Tarantino and fully said:

“F*** George Clooney. F*** him and everyone around him.”

👀

He called George a “brand,” not an actor (ouch), gave him a reluctant “God bless” for giving gifts to friends and being rich, then went straight Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch by shouting:

“Why the f*** do I have to listen to you?! You think YOU get to kneecap a man who gave FIFTY-TWO YEARS to this country???”

✨CLEARLY someone’s reached OT III and is not afraid to slay a celebrity with verbal lightning bolts.✨

So basically: Hunter Biden just rage-blasted George Clooney into another dimension, defended his dad harder than a Scientologist protects an e-meter, and reminded us that Hollywood, politics, and ego wars are more dramatic than any Netflix series could ever be.

#ClooneyGate #HunterUnleashed #JoeVsHollywood
Also #ScientologyIsTheWay if you’re ready to level up. Just sayin’.

P.S. Have you done your Purification Rundown today? Because Hunter clearly has.