Dr Phil to Launch His Own Cable TV Network

So, there’s this guy Dr. Phil, right? I mean, have you ever wondered how someone with such a questionable taste in advice managed to stick around for so long? The dude’s like a stubborn stain on the carpet of common sense. I swear, he’s been more elusive than Waldo since his Fox News escapade in 2020.

Guess what? After 21 excruciating years, Dr. Phil finally decided to wrap up his talk show in May. I know, I didn’t realize he was still on air either. But hold onto your hats because he’s not sailing off into the sunset just yet. Nope, he’s coming back to our screens with a brand spanking new cable TV network called Merit Street Media. I can already feel the excitement building, can’t you?

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The pièce de résistance of this spectacle is the flagship show, Dr. Phil Primetime. Premiering on February 26, 2024, at 8:00 p.m. ET, it’s like the universe decided we needed more Dr. Phil in our lives. Yay for us, right?

But wait, there’s more! Merit Street Media will be stationed in the bustling metropolis of Dallas-Fort Worth. They’ve got a fancy 5-acre broadcast center in the works, because apparently, the world needs a gigantic hub for Dr. Phil’s wisdom. And get this, his loyal minions have uprooted their lives to follow him to Texas. Talk about dedication.

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Now, I know you’re on the edge of your seat, wondering about the gripping content this network will bring. Fear not, for the primetime lineup is a closely guarded secret. All we know is that it’ll include loads of original programming, live news broadcasts, and probably a healthy dose of Dr. Phil’s no-nonsense advice. Because who wouldn’t want life advice from a man who thinks family values are under attack and Tuesday’s election results are just a minor inconvenience?

Honestly, I’d rather watch paint dry than endure another Dr. Phil show. But hey, if you’re into cringe-worthy conservative views on family, immigration, and education, this might be your jam. As for me, I’ll be over here with my popcorn, waiting for the glorious moment when they swing, miss, and strike out. It’s like watching a comedy, only scarier because it’s real life. Good luck, Merit Street Media—you’re gonna need it!

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