In a tale that sounds like it was ripped straight from a bizarre comedy sketch, 20-year-old Thomas Matthew Crooks, who aimed his firearm at none other than the former President Donald Trump, has had the cause of his untimely demise officially unveiled.
The Butler County, Pennsylvania coroner, with the gravity of a Shakespearean narrator, announced the findings as part of an ongoing investigation.
According to TMZ (because where else would you get such sensational news?), the death of Crooks is being officially stamped as a “homicide,” with the cause of death being a gunshot wound to the head. And guess who was responsible? None other than Trump’s elite squad of suit-wearing, earpiece-touting secret service agents.
In a twist that sounds like it belongs in an absurd courtroom drama, the coroner took a moment to clarify to TMZ that calling it a “homicide” doesn’t mean it’s up to them to decide if Crooks’ unfortunate meeting with a bullet was justified. They’re just the messengers here!
Another day, another headline that leaves us wondering if reality has indeed become stranger than fiction.
