It’s official: Barron Trump, once the towering, mysterious figure lurking behind his parents, has finally stepped into the hallowed halls of higher education. And no, he’s not majoring in how to build golf courses or Tweeting strategies. The 18-year-old, who could easily blend into a basketball team’s starting lineup, graduated from Oxbridge Academy in West Palm Beach, Florida, and is now bound for the concrete jungle of New York City. Cue the dramatic soundtrack.
In a shocking revelation that absolutely no one saw coming, his dad, the one and only Donald Trump, spilled the beans to The Daily Mail, because why hold onto a secret when you can make headlines? “He was accepted to a lot of colleges,” Trump said, presumably after dusting off the confetti. “He’s a very smart guy.” Groundbreaking stuff, people. The former president went on to share that Barron has chosen NYU’s Stern School of Business as his new stomping ground. “Which is a great school,” Trump added, just in case NYU was waiting for his Yelp review.
Now, here’s where things get interesting (or predictable, depending on how many Trump interviews you’ve survived). The man who never misses an opportunity to remind us of his own academic greatness mentioned that Wharton, his alma mater, was this close to becoming Barron’s new educational playground. “We didn’t do that. We went for Stern,” Trump said, as if choosing between Ivy League institutions is the most casual decision since picking a new pair of socks.
But wait, there’s more! Trump, always the wordsmith, clarified Barron’s current life status: “He’s no longer a child. He’s passed into something beyond child-dom.” Yes, you read that right. Barron has transcended to an advanced life form, possibly preparing to build a new Trump Tower on Mars. Stay tuned.
Of course, Barron’s not all business. The lad plans to keep kicking soccer balls while dodging paparazzi on campus. Because why not? What’s college without some extracurricular activities, especially when you have Secret Service agents flanking you like a celebrity on the red carpet? (Let’s face it, that is the Barron Trump vibe.)
On his first day of classes, he rolled into NYU, looking like the world’s tallest freshman, surrounded by a team of Secret Service agents. The New York Post caught the whole scene, because naturally, they wouldn’t miss a Trump photo-op if their cameras depended on it.
Barron Trump, the college kid, ready to conquer the business world, one soccer match and NYU class at a time. NYU, good luck. You’re going to need it.
