It’s not every day that a music mogul like Sean “Diddy” Combs finds himself caught up in a $100 million legal fiasco involving a Michigan inmate—yes, an inmate—who somehow managed to sue the king of Bad Boy Records while behind bars. You really can’t make this stuff up (but apparently, someone did)! So buckle up, because this story is a wild ride that even reality TV wouldn’t dare to touch.
So Who’s Suing Diddy?
Meet Derrick Lee Cardello-Smith. A man with a name as long as his history of taking the judicial system for a joyride. He’s apparently a professional inmate (career goals, am I right?), known for spicing up his prison life with civil lawsuits. If you’re bored in prison, why not sue one of the richest men in music?
Derrick, who’s no stranger to legal paperwork, claims that back in 1997, at a party in Detroit, Diddy—yes, the same guy who brought us hits like I’ll Be Missing You—allegedly drugged and sexually assaulted him. Yeah, we know, that’s a hard left turn from anything remotely Puffy, P. Diddy, or Brother Love has ever been associated with.
The Scene of the Crime?
According to Derrick, this all went down at a Detroit-area party, where he and Diddy were, well… partying. Derrick alleges that while the party was in full swing (let’s assume there was a lot of “Take That, Take That!” going on), a mysterious hand—cue spooky music—reached out and touched him. That hand, according to Derrick, belonged to none other than the Bad Boy himself.
As if this isn’t bizarre enough, Derrick claims that Diddy slipped him a drink spiked with something stronger than Cîroc, and next thing you know, he passed out. When he woke up, Diddy was… ahem… engaging in some “adult activities” with a woman, who allegedly turned to Derrick and casually said, “Oh yeah, I did this to you too.”
Let’s just take a moment to appreciate the level of confusion this must have caused.
The Lawsuit That Won’t Quit
Fast forward to 2024: our inmate-turned-lawyer-superstar Derrick has now won a $100 million judgment in court! Yes, you read that right. And guess how Diddy reacted to this virtual court hearing? He ghosted it, like that one friend who “accidentally” forgets their wallet every time it’s their turn to pay for dinner. Diddy didn’t even show up. Not on Zoom, not in person, not even in hologram form.
The judge has now set a $10 million-a-month payment plan, which is more than some countries’ GDP. So, starting October 1, Diddy might have to start doing some serious side gigs—maybe Uber driving or selling merch at his concerts.
“You Know How We Get Down”
Oh, but wait, it gets better. Apparently, Diddy offered Derrick a solid $2.3 million to drop the case. But Derrick, clearly feeling like $2.3 million wouldn’t even cover his commissary snacks, decided to decline. And when Diddy allegedly told him, “You know how we get down,” I’m guessing this was the verbal equivalent of throwing his hands in the air and saying, “Bro, I don’t even know you!”
Diddy’s attorney, Marc Agnifilo, chimed in with a statement that basically translated to, “My client’s never met this guy. This is all made-up nonsense. This inmate’s resume is longer than his sentence, and none of it is good.”
The Verdict? We’ll See…
Now, let’s be real here. This lawsuit sounds like something cooked up in a reality show writers’ room. But hey, this is America, where inmates can apparently file $100 million lawsuits and win judgments while still serving time for other crimes. At this rate, Derrick might just be the next big courtroom drama TV star. Watch out, Judge Judy!
Meanwhile, Diddy is probably sitting somewhere, sipping on some ultra-premium vodka, and wondering how on earth he got dragged into a lawsuit straight out of the Twilight Zone. Stay tuned—this story is far from over.
