Cynthia Erivo, Broadway goddess, Hollywood star, and nail queen extraordinaire, didn’t think her role as Wicked’s Elphaba would prepare her for the real wickedness of life: awkwardly explaining her bathroom habits to Dax Shepard. Yet here we are.
The 37-year-old actress recently joined Dax’s podcast Armchair Expert, where she was blindsided by that question—the one people with claws-for-days have been dodging for centuries: “How do you, uh… handle your business?”
Cynthia, unflappable as ever, deadpanned: “I knew you’d ask that question.” (Translation: Really, Dax? This is how we’re spending podcast airtime?)
But because she’s a saint, she answered anyway.
How Cynthia Keeps It Clean
“My answer is that nobody uses just their fingers to wipe their backside. You use tissue, correct? And you wipe!” Cynthia explained, delivering the kind of wisdom we should all embroider on throw pillows. She then broke it down for the uninitiated: “You put the tissue on the pads of your fingers, not the tips of your nails.”
Basically, it’s not rocket science. It’s hygiene.
Dax: Offensive or Just Annoying?
Dax, sensing maybe he’d stepped on a landmine (or a freshly manicured toe), asked if Cynthia was offended by his probing.
“I’m annoyed by it,” she confessed, in a tone likely somewhere between a kind kindergarten teacher and someone who’s answered this question 4,000 times. “I’m like, ‘Come on, guys. I’m a functioning adult, and I’ve never walked around smelling like, you know…’”
We get it, Cynthia. Nobody wants to be that person.
She then flipped the tables: “Here’s the thing. There are people without nails who need to check how they’re wiping.” And with that, she dropped the mic, left the chat, and ascended to a higher plane of nail-care enlightenment.
So, for all you long-nail skeptics out there: Cynthia Erivo just gave you a masterclass in dignity, hygiene, and patience. And to Dax—maybe next time ask about her actual career instead of her cuticle-to-Charmin coordination.
Watch the full episode below, if you dare.