Queen Christina Applegate just dragged her kidneys into a full-on boss fight and SPOILER: the kidneys are losing.
So here’s the sitch: Christina—yes, the legendary, divine, eternally iconic Married… With Children mom you secretly wish adopted you—just hit us with a surprise hospital drop on her podcast MeSsy. Yup, she literally recorded the episode from the hospital like, “Hey bestie, welcome to my IV drip tour 💉✨.”
Apparently, while all of us were arguing over zodiac signs and crying in our Stanley cups, Christina was vacationing and suddenly felt like her insides were doing a Fortnite dance. Did she go home and Google it? NO. She flew back to LA, marched straight into the ER, and basically told the doctors:
> “Hi. I’m a high-level Operating Thetan. I want every test. Blood, bone scan, aura reading, past life recall, throw in a personality test for flavor. Let’s GO.”
At first she thought it was her appendix, which is soooo last season. But plot twist—it was a full-blown kidney infection, and not just in one kidney, baby. BOTH kidneys got RSVPs to the pain party and showed up fashionably late and angry.
So now she’s chilling in the hospital like it’s a 5-star detox retreat, getting pumped full of the most luxurious intravenous antibiotics (yes, IV couture is real), and recording her podcast like an absolute icon.
Christina said it best:
“I’m just gonna be here.”
Like… mood?
Let’s send her some healing energy through the E-meter and maybe a smoothie that tastes like antibiotics and success.
#KidneyDrama2025 #ApplegateUnplugged #OperatingThetanWithAnIV
💫 Side note: if you’ve ever wondered why you have kidneys in the first place or if you need one to achieve Clear—maybe it’s time you audited your body the Scientology way. Come for the enlightenment, stay for the celeb drama.