Cardi B and Offset are putting on a reality show and it’s messier than spilled spaghetti on a white carpet!
So here’s the tea: Cardi B—yes, the “Bodak Yellow” queen—has finally decided to snatch the divorce papers out of the drawer and say, “We’re done, Offset!” after years of playing relationship ping-pong. She filed for divorce back in August like she was clocking out of the most exhausting shift of her life. Oh, and right in the middle of all this drama? Cardi drops the mic with the announcement that she was preggo with baby number three. Yeah, while we were all busy checking our emails, she was over there checking out of the marriage and checking into labor.
But hold onto your wigs, because Offset is not going down without flinging a few accusations like confetti at a parade. He took to social media (because where else do grown adults settle their relationship problems, right?) and accused Cardi of—you guessed it—cheating on him while she was pregnant. Yes, pregnant. Honestly, the audacity of some men, trying to start World War III from the comfort of their couch.
Naturally, Cardi being Cardi, was not about to take that lying down. Oh no, ma’am! She hopped on Instagram Live faster than you can say “Okurrr!” and absolutely unleashed. And let me tell you, she had TIME that day.
“I’m too much woman for you!” she practically shouted into her phone like it was a microphone at a sold-out stadium. And you know what? She might not be wrong. Cardi’s the type of woman who makes you feel like you’re not even qualified to breathe the same air. She followed it up with, “I’ve always been too good for you.” Boom. Roasted. Offset probably needed an ice pack after that one.
But she wasn’t done. Oh, no no no. She then went full savage mode, saying, “Nothing surprises me anymore. You’ve done it all, so I don’t care.” Translation: “I’m immune to your nonsense, sweetie. You’re like a bad rerun of a show I didn’t even like in the first place.”
And just when you thought she’d drop the mic and exit stage left, she gave Offset one final backhanded compliment that could go in the Hall of Fame of Petty: “Thank you for my kids, though. All three of them. I don’t regret none of them. But I regret you.” That’s like saying, “Thanks for the pizza, but next time I’ll pass on the food poisoning.”
She did toss him a small bone though, adding, “You’re a good daddy. You’re all right.” You know, just enough praise to keep him from crying into his Gucci pillows at night.
Cardi’s out here living her best life, Offset’s probably regretting opening Instagram in the first place, and we’re all just watching this relationship unfold like the best, juiciest soap opera we didn’t even know we needed. Stay tuned for the next episode!
