Britney Spears’ dad, Jamie Spears, apparently had his leg amputated a month ago. Yes, you heard that right. Leg-gate is upon us.
Now, TMZ, the pinnacle of journalistic integrity, seems to have developed a sudden soft spot for Jamie. They claim he’s not doing well, suffering from other ailments, and feeling downcast amidst the conservatorship drama. Oh, poor Jamie, the unsung hero who gallantly moved from Louisiana to “care” for Britney in 2007. A real modern-day superhero, if you will. TMZ even suggests Jamie might have saved Britney’s life. Move over, Avengers, we’ve got Jamie.
But hold up! Who knew TMZ could be so Team Jamie? Aren’t they the champions of tact and sensitivity? The paragons of supporting women? The beacons of victim advocacy? (Cue dramatic gasp.) Clearly, they’ve been practicing their stand-up routine.
In an “interesting twist” (because every circus needs one), Britney allegedly softened towards her dad. Sources say she even thought about sending him money. Because nothing says “I miss you, Dad” like a fat check. The insider claims Jamie wants to reconcile and harbors no ill will. Aw, how touching! I’m sure Britney’s heart is just aching to embrace the man who once told her, “I’m Britney Spears now.” So heartwarming.
Team Britney, however, was quick to rain on TMZ’s parade. According to Page Six’s exclusive insiders, Britney has zero interest in a daddy-daughter reunion. In fact, she’ll “never forgive him for the abuses and trauma he caused.” But hey, who needs facts when TMZ’s got jokes?
For those living under a rock (or, you know, not following every twist and turn in the Britney saga), here’s a quick recap of Jamie’s greatest hits in the parenting department:
“Extremely mean” drunk dad
Forced her into an interview with Diane Sawyer during a deep depression
Arranged a SWAT team capture for a conservatorship extravaganza
Dictated every aspect of her life, from bedtime to bathroom breaks
$2000 a week allowance vs. millions for himself
Forced diet of “chicken and canned vegetables” for two years (burgers and ice cream need not apply)
Constantly body-shamed and belittled her
Rehab for energy supplements (because apparently vitamins are a gateway drug)
Sent her to the mental health facility and put her on lithium for being “difficult” in a dance rehearsal
Britney did recently reunite with her mom, Lynne Spears, and brother, Bryan. A momentous occasion, considering they’ve been estranged since the conservatorship showdown. Let’s hope this family reunion doesn’t turn into a sequel of “Oops!… I Did It Again.”
Britney, please steer clear of your dad. No matter how sick he is, that man is scarier than a horror movie marathon. Wishing you peace, love, and freedom, queen!