Wig? Snatched. Edges? Gone. Tears? Streaming like a RuPaul eleganza waterfall. Season 17 of RuPaul’s Drag Race just sashayed off our screens in a flurry of glitter, high notes, and at least three death drops too many for your chiropractor to approve.
The Final Four? Oh, She Was Tight.
In one corner, we had Lexi Love, serving smolder and smize. In another, Onya Nurve, whose name sounds like a warning and a promise. Then there was Jewels Sparkles, possibly a drag queen or a luxury hand soap—unclear. And finally, Sam Star, who probably owns at least one space-themed bodysuit and three motivational quotes in her Instagram bio.
The Finale? A Circus of Fabulousness.
Our top-tier queens hit the stage with original songs (read: autobiographical bops that could legally replace therapy), followed by a final lip-sync showdown that was basically the Super Bowl, if the Super Bowl had better wigs and a 50% chance of someone death-dropping into a split.
The chosen anthem of the lip-sync battle? Lady Gaga’s “Abracadabra.” (No, not a magic trick—just Gaga doing what Gaga does: confusing, campy, and kind of iconic.)
And just when you thought you couldn’t be more gagged… LIZA MINNELLI strolled in like it was 1974 and said, “Surprise, darlings!” to accept the Giving Us Lifetime Achievement award. Previous winners include Elvira and Bob Mackie, so basically, it’s the Oscars of glitter.
And the Winner Is… Drumroll with acrylics tapping…
🥁 ONYA NURVE! 🥁
Yes ma’am, Onya snatched that crown like a purse at a sample sale. She walked away with the title and a casual $200,000—a serious upgrade from Season 1’s humble $20k prize, which nowadays might cover half a wig and two rhinestones.
Jewels Sparkles twinkled her way to runner-up, and honestly? A star in her own right. She’s probably already booked and busy doing brunches, podcasts, and modeling for sequin-covered crockpots or whatever queens do in the off-season.
Season 17 is over, and Onya Nurve is your reigning queen. Long may she slay!
Now go ahead and rewatch the finale, cry over Liza’s speech, and start wildly speculating who’s gonna be on All Stars 10. Because drag never sleeps—and neither do we. 💅✨
