Reality TV legend Brandi Glanville is stuck in a drama that makes RHOBH seem like a yoga retreat. Her current plot twist? Battling what she suspects is a face-dwelling parasite. Yes, you read that right. Somewhere, a dermatologist is weeping.
The 52-year-old Bravo star spilled all the tea—and possibly some mysterious face oil—on PageSix’s Virtual Reali-Tea podcast, sharing her uphill battle to figure out why her face has gone rogue. She’s already seen a doctor, restarted antibiotics, and is now officially starring in her own medical mystery series.
Swollen vs. Sunken: The Beauty Debate No One Asked For
“I honestly prefer my face when it’s a little swollen,” Brandi confessed. “But when it’s only swollen on one side, I’m just out here looking like a Picasso painting.” And don’t get her started on the sinking. “The sinking thing is killing me. I feel like I look like an extra in a crackhead documentary.” Someone fetch this woman a hug—and maybe a moisturizer with SPF 100.
Weekend Special: Meatball Cheek
Brandi revealed that her face sometimes swells up in the most unpredictable ways. “Over the weekend, I had this giant meatball situation happening on the right side of my face. Honestly, I could’ve charged admission.”
Between the swelling, sinking, and all-around facial drama, it’s giving Renaissance art experiment gone wrong. But don’t worry—she’s handling it like a champ. By “champ,” we mean someone Googling, “Can I sue a parasite?”
Holiday Horror: When Christmas Cheer Meets Face Fear
Apparently, the holidays haven’t been much of a Hallmark movie for Brandi. “It’s hard to be festive when you’re walking around looking like a half-deflated beach ball,” she lamented. Parties? Cancelled. Christmas cookies? Eaten alone with a mask on. She even scared her kids a few times, leading her to wear said mask at home like a very glamorous Phantom of the Opera.
Mental Pain Is the Real Villain
While her face has been a rollercoaster of weird and oily surprises, the real struggle, Brandi says, is mental. “I’ve been in such a deep, deep depression,” she shared. “It’s been two years of this, and even if I could work, I wouldn’t. Nobody wants to hire someone whose face is auditioning for its own horror film.”
Brandi might not have all the answers yet, but she’s got one thing on lock: a fighting spirit—and the ability to turn even the wildest beauty disaster into reality-TV-worthy drama. Stay tuned. We’re all rooting for a parasite-free glow-up.