Anne Hathaway, the reigning queen of the silver screen and the epitome of grace, is celebrating a colossal achievement in her teetotaling journey. The 41-year-old virtuoso, who clinched the prestigious Oscar, not for her mastery in mixology but for her acting chops, declared years ago that she was bidding adieu to the booze post the arrival of her first mini-me, Jonathan.
In a recent tête-à-tête, Anne was prodded to spill the beans on hitting the big four-oh and being bestowed with the title of “middle-aged” – a moniker that’s about as comforting as a soggy sock. Lo and behold, amidst the discussion, Anne proudly unfurled her teetotaler banner, announcing her feat of staying on the wagon for over five years.
“Behold! I’ve conquered the demon in the bottle for over half a decade now,” Anne proclaimed to The New York Times, probably while sipping on a mocktail that would make even the most discerning bartender nod in approval.
“I’m not just a year older; I’m five years wiser, five years more fabulous, and five years closer to perfecting my impersonation of a responsible adult,” she chuckled, raising her glass of sparkling water to toast her sobriety milestone.
But wait, before you start calculating her age in dog years or wondering if she’s secretly a vampire, Anne swiftly reminded us that she’s not one to be pinned down by labels – especially when they involve the terrifying term “middle age.”
“Middle age? Ha! Call me when I’m sipping prune juice and bickering with the neighbor over whose lawn is greener. Until then, let’s just say I’m in the prime of my life,” she quipped, twirling an imaginary cane with the finesse of Fred Astaire.
Flashback to January 2019, when Anne spilled the tea on her decision to bid farewell to Bacchus until her offspring reach the ripe old age of 18. “I’ve decided to take a sabbatical from the sauce while my darling son shares my humble abode. The lad needs a sprightly, hangover-free mama to chauffeur him around and regale him with tales of my glory days,” she confessed on Ellen, probably while hiding a stash of mocktail recipes under her chair.
And why the sudden abstinence, you ask? Well, it seems dropping off young Jonathan at school while nursing a wicked hangover was akin to a slapstick comedy routine gone awry – a role Anne wasn’t too keen on reprising.
Fast forward to 2019, Anne and her beau Adam Shulman welcomed another tiny tyrant into their fold, baby Jack, ensuring their household was filled with enough chaos to rival a Marx Brothers film.
So, here’s to Anne Hathaway – thespian extraordinaire, teetotaling trendsetter, and living proof that sobriety looks fabulous at any age. Cheers to you, Anne! May your mocktails be ever refreshing and your sense of humor as intoxicating as ever!
