In the most unexpected twist of the 2025 New Year’s Eve celebrations in Times Square, Ralph Fiennes proved he’s not just an acting legend but also a comedic treasure. The 62-year-old, known for making Shakespeare sound like a bedtime story, took a break from his usual dramatic gravitas to join Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper on CNN’s New Year’s Eve Live 2025 telecast.
While most celebs would take this opportunity to plug their projects—yes, Ralph mentioned Conclave, his new movie, because Oscar buzz doesn’t fuel itself—he shifted gears to deliver the most side-splitting performance of the night. Forget fireworks; Ralph Fiennes reading that viral “Demure” monologue from Jools Lebron was the real showstopper.
And boy, did Anderson Cooper lose it. The silver-haired news anchor, usually the picture of professionalism, was rendered completely useless, laughing so hard he looked like he might need a CNN-branded inhaler.
With a perfectly straight face (because duh, he’s Ralph Fiennes), the actor launched into the monologue:
“Well, look, this is how I do my makeup for work. Very demure, very mindful,” he began, his voice dripping with faux seriousness. “I don’t come to work with a green cut crease. I don’t look like a clown when I go to work. I don’t do too much. I’m mindful at work.”
The crowd—both in Times Square and presumably in living rooms worldwide—was already cackling. But Ralph wasn’t done. Oh no. He kept going.
“See how I look very presentable,” he continued, gesturing to his presumably understated outfit (a three-piece suit so sharp it could cut glass). “The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job. A lot of you girls go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson, looking like you’re going to look like Patty and Selma. Not demure. Not demure.”
And then came the pièce de résistance: “But I am very modest. See my shirt? Only a little chichi out. Not my chocho. Be mindful of why they hired you. Here’s a reality check, diva. What’s the name you want me to make it out to?”
At this point, Anderson Cooper was a puddle of giggles, and Andy Cohen had officially declared this the best New Year’s Eve telecast in CNN history.
So, what’s the moral of the story? Ralph Fiennes isn’t just a thespian; he’s the internet’s newest comedic overlord. Press play on the video to see the Oscar-nominated actor absolutely annihilate the “Demure” monologue—and possibly secure a second career as a viral sensation. Happy New Year, indeed. 🎉
