It’s been a royal eternity since Prince Harry and Meghan Markle packed their bags, grabbed the royal corgis (well, metaphorically), and jetted off to the sunny shores of the United States. As it stands, the chance of them returning to the United Kingdom is about as likely as the Queen joining a punk rock band.
Since they waved a very royal “toodle-oo” to their duties in 2020, the Duke of Sussex, now a seasoned 38-year-old, and his lovely wife have been living it up in California. Prince Harry has even updated his royal address book to reflect his primary residence in the good ol’ U.S. of A. – that’s right, he’s officially a surfer dude now.
In a sizzling new ITV documentary, *Tabloids on Trial* (grab your popcorn), Prince Harry spilled the royal tea on why Meghan isn’t booking a return flight anytime soon. Spoiler alert: it’s not because she’s addicted to avocado toast and yoga retreats.
Harry, channeling his inner drama king, revealed that the negative press in the U.K. had him worried sick for Meghan’s safety. “They pushed me too far,” he lamented, via People magazine. “It got to a point where you’re doomed if you do and doomed if you don’t. But honestly, who better than me to handle this mess? I’ve got the ginger determination of a thousand fiery suns!”
He didn’t stop there. “It’s still dangerous over there,” he continued, likely wearing a concerned expression straight out of a soap opera. “All it takes is one overzealous tabloid reader, and bam! We’re talking knives, acid – you name it. These are not the kind of souvenirs I want Meghan bringing back from our homeland. Hence, our continued stay in the land of freedom fries.”
Until the British tabloids swap scandalous headlines for cupcake recipes, the royal couple’s return trip is firmly stuck in the “not happening” column.
