Freshly crowned and officially God’s new spokesperson-in-chief, Pope Leo XIV made his first big balcony debut this Sunday in Vatican City, and let’s just say—he came in blessed and stressed.
The 69-year-old pontiff (nice), formerly known as Robert Francis Prevost—or, as his friends probably called him before all this, “Bob the Bishop”—was elected Pope on May 8 after a two-day conclave that involved heavy praying, strategic incense use, and one very dramatic puff of white smoke. (No, not that kind. This is the Vatican, not Coachella.)
His predecessor, Pope Francis, passed away on April 21, leaving behind a legacy, a holy chair, and a daunting inbox of world problems. Enter Leo XIV, stepping out onto the legendary central loggia of St. Peter’s Basilica on May 11 like it was the Met Gala for Popes—minus the sequins, plus more solemn chanting.
And boy, he did not hold back.
With a voice that said “I’m new here, but I’m not messing around,” Pope Leo called for world peace like your wise grandpa at Thanksgiving after two glasses of sacramental wine. He said:
“NO. MORE. WAR.”
(Yes, he actually said it like that. Spiritually yelling.)
He’s heartbroken over Ukraine, devastated about Gaza, hopeful about India and Pakistan, and probably super annoyed that nobody seems to be listening to the Vatican group chat.
“Let the children go home, free the hostages, and for the love of the Virgin Mary, let humanitarian aid through!”
– The Holy Remix
He even threw in a heartfelt Regina Caeli prayer to honor the Virgin Mary, because what’s a papal address without a little spiritual throwback?
But the real mic-drop moment?
“World War II ended 80 years ago, and now we’re living through World War III in pieces.”
Sir, the drama. The poetry. The canonically iconic energy.
And just in case any world leaders were thinking of ignoring him:
“To the powerful people of the world… please, stop being messy. No. More. War.”
Pope Leo’s official inauguration bash (aka MASSive Vatican vibes) will take place May 18 in St. Peter’s Square, where there will be incense, robes, and probably doves with good timing.
Oh, and he’s talking to the media on May 12, so buckle up. Papa’s got a message, and it’s not just peace—it’s ✨urgent✨.